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High Noon (1952)
IMDB rating: 8.30
Plot: Will Kane is a town marshall. It’s his wedding day and his last day as a lawman. He was about to leave town with his new bride to start a new life when some men come to town who tell him that a man he sent to prison some years ago has just been released and is arriving on the noon train. Kane and any of the townsfolk who remember him, know that he’s coming to town for one thing; to get Will. Will’s friends tell him to leave town which he does but Will feeling that running away is not a solution returns and intends to face him. Will tries to find support from his friends but all of them don’t want to help him or are too afraid and all that they tell him is to leave, even his wife feels the same way. And as the train comes closer, Will is all alone.
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here i download High Noon here and download version for iPhone
Directors: Zinnemann Fred
Actors: Cooper Gary,Mitchell Thomas,Bridges Lloyd,Kruger Otto,Chaney Jr. Lon,Morgan Harry,MacDonald Ian,Farley Morgan,Shannon Harry,Van Cleef Lee,Wilke Robert J.,Wooley Sheb,Drama,Western,
Should I kick my daughter out?
My 21 year old daughter has been unemployed for the last 2 years. She worked right after high school and even moved out at 18. But a year later she was back and has done nothing with her life since. She has applied zero effort into looking for a job. She just sleeps late, and then plays video games or skate boards with her unemployed 23 year old boyfriend at his moms house. If I apply pressure on her to do something, she will spend a small amount of time on the computer applying for jobs. When she goes out to apply for jobs in person, she does not dress professionally AT ALL, even though I have bought her several nice outfits for job hunting.
I come home from work at noon and most days she will still be asleep. To top it all off, she is very inconsiderate around the house. She makes messes and leaves them for others to clean up even though I am constantly complaining about it and telling her to pick up after herself. She does not contribute anything.
I just don’t know what to do anymore. I gave her a deadline and told her if she doesn’t have a job entailing at least 20 hours a week, she needs to move out. That deadline is 2 weeks away now, and I have come home twice this week at noon and found her asleep.
She does not drink or do drugs, so I know it could be worse. But I need to do something, because this is having a huge impact on the rest of our family.
Um, yes.
Any reason a kid over 17 (much less 21!!) will live in my home rent free is if they’re in school AND working part-time and paying their own bills like gas, car insurance, personal expenses. My kid can live with me until 30 if she wanted to, but she better have that doctorate degree to show for it.
LS | Feb 03, 2010
If she doesn’t have the job in two weeks, then yes, kick her out. Your not helping her at all by letting this continue.
santobugito | Feb 03, 2010
You gave her the deadline now stick to it. When she fails to have a job in 2 weeks pack her bags and set them on the front steps.
charlottesmommy | Feb 03, 2010
Well, you can start slowly at first. She needs to start paying rent, suggest it begin next month – let her decide how she’s going to pay for rent, cash or household chores she has to complete as well to contribute to the household. Like she needs to cook a meal once or twice a week, do the garbage, clean the bathrooms, pick up the living room, and describe what the rules are about sleeping and going to one’s room – as in up by 8am unless working a swing or graveyard shit and out of the living areas by 10pm.
Stop complaining, write up a contract, have her read and sign it and keep her to it. Remind her where the homeless shelters are, and suggest that perhaps JobCorps would be a good place to start in this economy. Really right now it’s going to be tough for a deadbeat to get a job, but JobCorps is a good place for young adults to start.
Ethel | Feb 03, 2010
i congratulate you for the deadline.
and if she does find a job, make her be more helpful around the house, instead of making her pay rent for you. make her clean her messes, tell her to stop being lazy, and actually look for a job!
she is going to get no where in life if she continues with this!
and if she doesnt, pack her bags for her, and have them waiting for her when she comes home.
Jeanette | Feb 03, 2010
No your daughter is a very considerate and nice young lady. These messes that she is leaving is actually due to your bad parenting skills.
Bob | Feb 03, 2010
Yes. She needs to learn to be independent, and you can’t live your life raising a grown daughter.
Amanda | Feb 03, 2010
My mother kicked me out when I was 15 yrs of age. I was basically forced to grow up fast and fend for myself. At first I was hurt & pist off. But came to realize what a S.O.B. I actually was towards my mom, that lead up to her kicking me out. Now I totally understand and have more respect for her, because she saw this is what it would take for me to snap out of my crappy attitude and grow up. Sounds like your daughter could use a kick in the butt as well. Go for it. By the way….I went on to get my GED for high school, and then have attended 4 different colleges and have a degree. I’m 46 years old now, and am a Grandpa of three lovely girls. I still have my rebellious side though. But now a days, it’s usually carried out on my Harley & the highway. LOL Good luck!
Otter | Feb 03, 2010
Hmm i wouldnt kick her out. Just pressure her. Maybe shes in a depression, talk to her, ask her millions of questions. Or play the opposite game. Tell her she could stay home forever and ever, she must stay and take care of you. Dont worry bout getting a job or getting married and having your own life…..etc. Do something that makes her want to go to work.
but you should kick her out. like everybody else says. its time for tough love. time for the boot, ready or not.
Find cake, eat cake, repeat. | Feb 03, 2010
Time for some tough love. I know as a parent it is instilled in us to protect but sometimes, they have to hit bottom before they go to the top. You can’t make someone change who doesn’t want to, but you can sure make their life harder and give them more motivation to change! You’ve put in more than enough time with her- It’s time for her to fiend for herself. Kick her out, and do not falter when she calls you crying or whatever. Don’t give in. Give her some time and hopefully she’ll learn you mean business and it’s up to her to improve her life. You don’t want to be 60 years old still doing her laundry and making her dinner.
Maria L | Feb 03, 2010
my parent’s rule was that if we were going to school or saving money we could stay at home as long as we wanted, rent free. You need to lay down the law, she is an adult, if she doesn’t like the law then she can move out.
Mary Ann | Feb 03, 2010
yes, you should. give her an official 30 days then boot her out. she is plenty old to be on her own, and she is just leeching off you. tough love is the best love in this situation.
my father-in-law’s girlfriend still allows her 25 yr old son to live with them. its ridiculous. he has turned their living room into his bedroom and makes no effort to be self-sufficient. drives me nuts!
I gotz that wicked clown love | Feb 03, 2010
I lived with my mom until I was 25 but I worked the entire time and have a MA degree. You are not helping your daughter achieve anything by giving her a free ride. When the deadline comes kick her out because she won’t have a job, she doesn’t believe or respect you. When you kick her out the mom of the unemployed bf will take her in and be her problem. Don’t hassle her anymore you tried to help her, you warned her, gave her a deadline and now she is responsible for herself.
JoKTM | Feb 03, 2010
That is pretty terrible.
You seem to do too much for your kid (which you can’t really be blamed for – it’s impossible to judge the boundary).
It’s your house, and your money, and your time that she is using, and she needs to know that.
If you don’t kick her out, consider getting rid of your stuff that she uses. TV in her room, console if that’s yours… I assume most of it, if not all of it, belongs to you. Downgrade her lifestyle – don’t cook for her or wash her clothes unless she does an equal share of the work around the house, consider decreasing her pocket money to a point where she can’t afford to go out with her partner. Constantly remind her she could have what she wants if she just got a job and paid for it herself.
Another thing to note – I love living with my family and I really do get more than I deserve, but I don’t get enough privacy and I intend to move out as soon as I can afford to. This effects some people more than others. It may be beneficial for you to purposefully invade your daughters privacy. Hang around in the same rooms as her in the house, barge in to her room to get stuff or talk to her, check her computer history or even phone. No kid can take that, and I’d normally advise against it, but she’s too old to be doing what she’s doing, and if that gives her the extra little push she needs – go for it.
Also, if you’re feeling a little vengeful, you can always mess with her a little. Be generally embarrassing in-front of her boyfriend – talk about intimate female matters in medical terms, play your favourite music from when you where a kid (nice and loud) and if you can stomach it, talk to him about sex. That’ll make her generally uncomfortable with living with you.
She needs to be taught respect for other people, particularly you. She also needs to learn that while you are paying for her, you own her. Your house, your money, your choice – everything in her life is determined by what YOU want, so make it known to her. Better late than never.
As a last resort, kick her out. You don’t need a disrespectful freeloader leeching off of you. We all hate the thought of being used by friends and family, but she’s an adult and she’s using you and it needs to stop.
Good luck.
Jim | Feb 03, 2010
I was all set to submit my answer when something occurred to me – you say she was a motivated person, who had a job, then suddenly things changed. What happened? Something did. If she won’t tell you, maybe she should see a therapist. People don’t go from being productive and independant to the other extreme for no reason at all. Figure out what the reason is.
Now, to answer your question: Not all-at-once and immediately, but yes, your daughter needs to move out of your home and be responsible for herself. As long as you allow her to, she’s going to keep taking advantage of you and your home, which is what she’s doing now.
I would try speaking to her at a time when you both have no distractions, can be calm and reasonable and make a plan (of course, YOU need to have a plan outlined in your own mind before sitting down with her – what you want to happen, what you would be willing to accept even if it’s not ideal, etc).
Start by stating your position to her with "I" statements (I feel you could take your job search more seriously; I feel this situation is not helping you move forward in life; I feel there are better things you could do with your time; ~and most importantly~ I feel you are taking advantage of me and our home right now because I do not feel you are contributing).
Without casting aspersions on how she spends her time or criticizing her choices, clearly lay out for her what your expectations are in regards to her continuing to live in your home (i.e. she will clean up her own messes in the house’s common areas, she will get ANY type of job and work a minimum of however many hours a week, she will put in X number of job applications per week, etc). Make things very clear, and even outline a time frame for her, along with what the consequences will be if your expectations are not met.
Then, and this is probably the most important part – you must follow through on the consequences if your expectations are not met (at least on some level) in the time you allot. It will be hard if it comes to that, but you have to do what you have to do. Remember – it’s your home, and your daughter is legally an adult, even if she chooses to act like a child.
Having said all that, she is still your child, and obviously you love her and wouldn’t want to end your relationship over this, so be tactful. It might be true right now that she’s being a lazy slob (just an example, not trying to insult your daughter) but saying those words to her won’t accomplish your goal. Make yourself heard without insulting or belittling her. She does need a dose of tough love, but she also could probably use your support in figuring out a plan of action (she sounds inexperienced and unsure in that regard). She may resent you after this type of talk, so have a person in mind who could give her that support and guidance, should she wish to distance herself from you for a while (for example, a family friend or aunt/uncle who can give her good job search advice).
One last thing – there are TONS of websites with interview tips, resume templates, etc – print some of these off and in a non-naggy kind of way make them available to her. Or perhaps some quotes from people who do interviews/hiring would be more effective – I worked in the staffing industry and have heard from the horse’s mouth the things that will immediately knock someone out of consideration for a job. I’m sure that kind of info is available online, too.
You have to keep in mind – she’s not going to TRY to get a job if she doesn’t really WANT a job. You have to motivate her to want to get a job through the potential consequences you come up with.
stoney_girl76 | Feb 03, 2010
Tell her she has a month to get a job or she can go live with her boyfriend. It sounds like this boy is not a good influence on her. If he is just laying around and not contributing to life then neither will she. The only way to get her off her butt and do something is for you to tell her she either goes to work or moves out. A month is plenty of time to find a job. It will be hard to do but you have to do it if you want her to do something with her life and not be a free loader all her life off you.
angela | Feb 03, 2010
Yes.
Force her to be responsible. She knows she has you to fend for her, so why get a job and move?
She needs a dose of reality, and she won’t get it with mommy holding her hand.
VoiceofCommonSense | Feb 03, 2010
