Mar
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IMDB rating: 6.40 Plot: In 1959, Milo, Penny, Julia, and Harrison board a bus that later crashes, and all of them die but do not go to heaven right away. A baby is born in town at the same moment the bus crashes. The four dead passengers are tied to the baby, who would be named Thomas. For some reason Thomas can see them, and Thomas grows fond of them but when people think that Thomas might have something wrong with him, they decide not to let Thomas see them, which devastates him. Thirty years later Thomas is all grown and a little jaded when it comes to letting people into his life, and the four of them are still with him even though he can’t see them. One day they simultaneously appear to him, and stay by his side until each one completes the final task of their personal lives. |
here i download Heart and Souls cheap
Actors: Downey Jr. Robert,Grodin Charles,Sizemore Tom,Paymer David,Calvert Bill,Zebulon Michael,Levingston Lavar David,Fantasy,Comedy,
I need help, my first try at a poem…?
My eyes opened to this good morning
And I felt my heart warming
Excited I was, so I went to see
But what did I see … it just murdered me
Waking up, thinking the corners of my heart will melt
But destiny had in store ….something else.
My heart had holes, and my soul was on fire
His unconditional love, was now just a desire.
?
Okay, I have no idea how to write a poem..can some professionals here help me perfect this piece?
Give me a rating out of 10 please. Be honest..I just want to only improve.
good start
banjaran | Feb 07, 2010
sounds good.
i like it
Patrick P | Feb 07, 2010
You’re off to a good start for your first poem. I’d give you a 7.5. For a rhyming poem, you need to keep a steady rhythm. Try tapping your foot to the beat of your poem as you read it back to yourself, and you’ll be able to see where you need to insert, or take out a word. Also, if you have someone read your poem to you, you’ll be able to hear if it works for you.
Ice Leaper | Feb 07, 2010
wow 10 out of 10
You could really send the message of what are you are trying to say. Poem is so true
Bhayanak Maut | Feb 07, 2010
Well, to perfect a piece of poetry, try to have in mind a certain beat or rhythm (especially for a structured rhyming poem). Also, devise a certain rhyme scheme (for instance, a, b, a, b or a, a, b, b, etc).
In terms of beats/ rhythm:
Line 1: 8 syllables
Line 2: 5 syllables
Line 3: 8
Line 4: 5 and so on….(There are many other methods/ templates).
In terms of rhyme scheme:
Line 1: A
Line 2: B
Line 3: A
Line 4: B and so on…(Again, this is not the only variation/ template you have to stick to, there are others)
But also note that not all poems have to rhyme. But if you have a consistent rhythm and good flow, and topic it’ll be effective nonetheless.
In terms of my two cents on your poem above, I really liked it. It’s got flow, and it’s also got a great rhyming scheme. Not only that, you’ve done a superb job incorporating metaphors into the mix, evident in the last 2 lines of the poem. Overall, I’d give you a solid 9 out of 10. It’s a great topic that many could relate to, and a great start all in all.
You have extraordinary talent! So keep writing! And thanks for sharing!
Double-UK | Feb 07, 2010
