she finally called me. i was sitting at my desk about 30 minutes til the end of work when she finally called me. it was a strange how she did it and the reason i won't guess. we are 5804.6 miles apart. my phone rang, i said "hello" and she hung up. i recognize the number as being hers and called her back. it was kinda awkward at first, cause she was in bed and it was fairly late, budapest time. she told me she was in budapest the whole weekend and couldnt get online since we spoken on last thursday. yet she called me now. it was a surprise, and out of the blue. we talked for 23 minutes (until the time on my phonecard ran out). $5 will get me 23 minutes with the woman who i never stopped loving. small price to pay for 23 minutes of happiness, isn't it? afterwards she said that i don't need to waste my money and call her again. i told her that if that is what it took for me to prove how much i've missed her... i will call everyday about the same time. she said i was insane... the cost would be so great. i told her "yes, i am insane. i was crazy to ever just let you go. i was crazy to ever think that i could live without you.". after my card ran out and we were disconnected again, i went to the store and bought some more phonecards. i'm on a mission. i never tried hard enough to fight for what i wanted. this will be the greatest fight of my life, a fight to win back the woman i loved.

 earlier that day during lunch i went out with frankie to go the the grocery store. i bought some supplies which i needed to help me get through the nights. this insomnia and depression thing is killing me. i bought a box of sleeping tablets. 32 pieces. a month's worth. bought a 4 pack of red bull and went to the liquor store and bought me a bottle of some decent vodka. orange flavored smirnoff. hopefully the pills and booze will stop my brain. it thinks too much and wont stop.

 after buying the phonecards i decided to get some new clothes. went to target cause they got decent looking clothes for a fair price. bought 2 stretch/workout pants with the stripes down the sides, sports shorts, a pretty cool looking workout jacket, a pair of old style looking sneakers. a new beanie. dang... it was $120. didnt realized i spent so much but i was in real bad need of a makeover. everything looked good on me except for the beanie. i guess i have a small head cause i bought it from the boys section and it was still big looking. lolz.

 went home and cooked me a little pork stir fried with jalapenos. wayyyy too spicy but i didnt give a flip. played ps2 for awhile. made me a red bull and vodka and popped a sleeping pill. who said that drugs and alcohol doesnt mix? hahahaha.. the room started spinning around 45 minutes after taking my little cocktail. i love that feeling. the new sleeping pill i took kinda sucked. whenever i took 2-4 of my old ones... it would knock me out without any dreams. i bought a new brand of sleeping pills.. recommended 1 tablet per night. it was weak as hell. i dreampt all night long. i can't remember them cause they were just visions and didnt have much of a story line. i woke up at 5 AM thinking it was time to go to work. a whole 1 hour 30 minutes too early. gonna hafta boost up the dosage to 2 a night tonite. gotta stop the dreams.

 i miss helping sandor (alexandra's father) doing stonework on their house. i particularly miss having the nice glasses of wine, whiskey, or even some of that herbal alcohol that tastes like medicine called unicum. its the like the national drink of hungary. oh how sandor loves the stuff. lolz. i miss walking along oktagon square or to magaret island with alexandra. i miss eating from the turkish gyros place. afterwards enjoying the tasty baklava's. i miss seeing her face light up when i buy her the favorite pinenuts ice cream she loves. most of all i just miss her company.

 well i've rattled on too long.... better get back to work now. have a great day, world! 

 for a brief moment in time... i found happiness again.