i've been having such a hard time trying to stay focused on my life as of late. it seems like there are so many distractions and obstacles that's coming my way. i really need to get off my lazy ass and look for another part time job. april is right around the corner and i havent accomplished much savings at all. kinda putting my eggs all in one basket by hoping that my wrecked car will get fixed in time so that i can sell my truck, giving me a large chunk of the cash that i'm gonna be needing. i still have my good laptop and another one which i just bought that i can sell for a profit. but what i really need is a second job. i'm gonna have to buckle down and concentrate as hard as i can in finding something really soon.

 baby went out last night to see a movie.. i think it was "king kong" and to hang out with her friends afterwards. i wont be able to find out whats she been up to until this evening when its morning her time. gosh i cant wait til april comes around! every day the internal struggle keeps on getting more difficult. life is so full of temptations and it seems as if they're all being thrown towards me all at once. as i'm getting older i think i'm getting weaker mentally. i used to have such strong willpower but as of late its been quite a challenge. i need to print baby's pic so i can put it in my wallet for whenever i need it. i swear most of my days has been spent on gazing so deeply at her pic so that all other thoughts will be pushed away.

 proud of myself cause yesterday was a special day for someone from my past. everyone told me to send an e-card or something but i stayed true and fought the temptation. everyday it seems i have to struggle with not making contact with people from the past. its really hard when you have a conscience but sometimes you have to do something that isn't considerate just to stay on the safe side. like my homeboy frankie tells me.. once i start being too nice i'm just opening up a huge can of worms. so i guess i just have to try and be somewhat of an asshole. yeah it hurts me to be like this cause its really against my nature but i think its for the best. sigh.... life's so hard.

 loving my baby with all of my heart. the battle is difficult but i'm not gonna let you down babe. only 4 more months and we'll be re-united again. peace out everyone.