i should be upset but i'm really not. i just feel so numb. my homegirls have been giving me lots of support and tells me that she isn't worth it. they have been telling me all along that i was crazy to even put my trust in someone from online like that. i guess they're right... i have a tendency to think with my heart and not with my head. i just never seem to learn from my past mistakes when it comes to affairs of the heart.

 i woke up early thinking i was gonna go into work this morning but then i thought to myself.... why? why should i go in and kill my weekend just to make money? what will i need that money for now? i have no plans to go to asia anymore and there is no wedding for me to save up for. just like that it was gone. how quickly one's dreams can be dashed and torn to pieces. it was so easy to talk myself out of working. one of my homegirls from cali got worried about me and called me up 6 AM her time. awww.. she's so sweet. she's still thinking we can hook up for christmas but i have other plans. i think i'm gonna hang out with my homegirl here and maybe do something really cool. i haven't decided it yet cause we/she really doesnt know her schedule yet.

 its just gonna be weird the next few weeks. i have been scheduling my time around celina and now everything is all open. sigh... i still can't believe it happened to me again. i guess i have to stop trusting my feelings. it has been failing me these past years. i bet alexandra is happy to see me suffer. lolz... guess the laugh's on me again. oh wells... life goes on. i'll just have to be more careful as to who i trust if i can even still trust at all.

 thanks for all who left me comments... i really appreciate everyone of you.

ciao,

C.