yes... its the theme song from "my sassy girl" again... but even though i don't want to... i still believe in love. forever just a hopeless romantic i guess... sigh.

gosh things are really getting weird with my cali homegirl and myself. everytime i tell her that i think we should take a step back and just chill... later on that day i would get another call from her. i've pretty much alienated myself from all of my other friends but i also dont want to be giving her false hopes. i made that mistake once where i just "settled"" even though i wasn't in love. just because i knew that they loved me so much that i thought eventually i will learn to love them just as much in return. yah i still have some trust issues where i need to work out with her. i know that i can be totally committed to a person once i know they have given me their love. but recents events have made me really hesitant in doing so. its at the point where i can't trust my instincts anymore. i mean it wasn't so long ago that i had a recent breakup. i thought it was gonna be different. i thought she was gonna be different, but as usual... i made the wrong judgement. i still need a period to grieve in my own way. i need time to analyze what i did wrong and to learn from my mistakes. i guess i'm getting used to being in failed relationships because i'm taking this recent breakup so non-chalantly. maybe i knew all along it was going to turn out this way. oh well... i still have my dream. someday i hope to be with someone who can appreciate how much i intend to dedicate my life to them. i have always been a giver and don't think i can ever change that part of me. so until fate leads a loving woman to me... i'll still have my beautiful songs and try to do as much of the right things that i can. i'm not gonna give in to the darkness without a fight. a friend recommended i read up about I Ching... i think thats what i'm gonna be doing tonite... a little reading, some relaxing music, and lots of daydreaming about being in love again. lol. i suck.

 have a wonderful evening everyone..... *waves*