doniayee ke darim toosh zendegi mikonim.

It's not easy to ignore what's going on in the country. It's not easy to reject free every day tube newspaper.Today is 5th day that I have avoided BBC news. All I do is try not to hear anything about the world. But however you try you are still part of the world. Terorism in India, resession in UK, war of Afghans and starving children in Uganda.

cheghadr adam mitooneh khodkhah basheh ke har chi ke doro baresh migardeh ignore koneh o faghat be khodesh fekr koneh. va mrooz AH karesh ro bekhater varshekastegi companishoon az dast dad. life is not easy whoever you are and whatever you do. asan booye xmas nemiyad. hich kas party nemikoneh. hich ja sholoogh nist. roozy do ta company varshekasteh misheh o chandin hezar nafar bekar mishan. az in taraf dolat maliat ha ro dareh ba 1% kam mikoneh. jaleb injast ke tamoome in compani haeeke daran mioftan bozorgtarin company ha hastan.

nemidoonam.... man fekr mikardam ke man unhappy hastam mibinam donia asan happy nist. hameh ja ye chizish milangeh. hameh ja ye moshkeli hast. har kasi az ye chizi sad misheh. what a life!!!!!!

6:51 PM - Nov. 27, 2008 - comments {0} - post comment

booye khobesh.

Ah dishab inja bood. sobh ke raftam khab bood vaghti oomadam khoonam hanooz boosh ro midad. ye energy eh khaili ajibi dishab bainemoon bood. khaili vaght bood ke kenaram nanshasteh bood. vaghti behesh goftam ke miram bekhabam goft na.... !!!!!!!! na? hich vaght injoory nabood.

behem goft ke bayad motoram ro pas beda,. goft azat khahesh mikonam goft p ageh befahmeh khodesh ro mikosheh.... bad az in hameh sal hanooz bayad be harfeh adamaye digeh goosh konam? man doost daram doost daram. koli montazer shodam ta baram in ro paida kard. hala be in rahati begam chashm har chi shoma begid. kami asabanim kard vali inghadr maheraneh in asabaniat ro be khandeh tabdil kard ke bavar nadashtam khodesheh...

booye colonesh hanooz rooye baleshesh moondeh... I miss him. chera nemitoonim be oon rooza bargardim? goft ye party bendaz baba poosidim. goftam kasi ro nadaram davat konam goft man o n ro davat mikoni. hichi nagoftam hoseleh nadashtam fazaye ghashangi ke bood ro dobareh zesht konam. khandidam o goftam chashm bad az xmas.

A dishab khaili aroom bood gharibeh shodeh bood.

az p khabar nadaram omidvaram ke behesh khosh begzareh.

6:35 PM - Nov. 26, 2008 - comments {0} - post comment

booye khoobe Bahar Narenj

Life is a momment in sapce

when the dream is gone

it's a lonlier place

I kiss the morning goodbye

but down inside you know

we never know why

the road is narrow and long

when the eyes meet eyes

and the feeling is strong

I turn away from the wall

I stumble and fall

but I give you all.

I am a wo...................

what do I do?

what do I do?

vaghty Anna zang zad dashtam be in ahang goosh midadam. hamishhe sohbat kardan ba Anna behem aramesh mideh. oon ham ta ye maheh digeh miyad ooropa baraye 2 hafteh. gharar shod man ham baraye weekend ye ja bebinamesh ehtemalan hamoonjaee ke shodeh khooneh sevomeh man.....

delam barash tang shodeh. hata telefonash ye moje mosbat az badanam migzarooneh. I have so much to share with you Anna.... all those minutes that you stayed beside me to get over dad's death. you cried and I looked at you..... you never had a dad and you still cried for me.... badesh tajrobeh talkheh mehmooni baz ha you were the stronger one. you stayed in that hall way and waved goodbye to me.... I was left behind and you were free... you remember that day?

Anna fekr mikoneh ke man bayad ye modat bera iran o bahamdigeh berim Iran gardi. she knows I love to see Maymand. she promissed to take me there.

I will be home soon. this spring maybe I miss atre bahar narenj .... bahar narenj booye roozaye khoob ro mideh.... yadesh bekhair chaghadr man o AH gereh bazi mikardim....

8:51 PM - Nov. 24, 2008 - comments {1} - post comment

yekshanbeh

shamdooniham mordan, sobh barfha ro az rooshoon zadam kenar ama khaili be joon boodan. too do rooze gozashteh hava khaili sard shodeh.... khoonam too ragam ghaliz shodeh digeh jarianesh ro hes nemikonam. cheghadr adam bayad be barnameh basheh ke ye saat zoodtar az saati ke bayad sareh kar basheh biad sareh kar.

centre sholoogheh chon biroon sardeh ama hich kas ta 12 kar ro shoroo nemikoneh chon yekshanbeh hastesh. hameh ja baraye christmas cheraghoonieh ama asan booye christmas nemiad. mardom emsal hal o havaye christmas ro nadaran. hameh ja ye joorieh.... 8 saleh pish ye setareh shenas ke taleh man ro migoft. ye maghaleh dad dastam o goft har vaght hoseleh kardi in ro bekhoon. harfash dareh be vagheiat mireseh. garcheh taleh man ro khaili mobham goft ama maghaleh ee ke neveshteh bood dareh drost misheh. too maghalash neveshtheh bood ke ta mitoonid azoogheh jam konid be jahaye boland tar az sathe daria move konid. agar mitoonid be jahaye pure ke computerise nashodeh berid baraye zendegi... khodesh ba inke setareshenasi alaghash bood o kare aslish bongaheh mashin too san fransisco bood be siatel move kard. va alankaresh parvaresheh derakhteh kaje hastesh.

oon mogheh khandidam o pisheh khodam goftam ke vahm in bichareh ro bardashteh ama dareh harfash be haghighat mireseh.

dishab raftam pisheh p nakhoonash ro barash drost kardam pahash ro manicure kardam moohash ro rang kardam in akhariha khaili kar kardeh bood o khasteh be nazar miresid pisheh khodam goftam ye kami pamperesh konam ke khoshesh biad. inkara ke hamisheh khodesh mikoneh ama ye nafar digeh baraye adam bokoneh bishtar khosh migzareh. mogheh khooneh oomadan goft be A. joone to joon e M. movazebesh bash. vaghti man ro boosid o too baghalesh fesharam dad nakhodagah ashkam oomad paeen. kolaham ro keshid paeen o lopam ro cheloond o goft intori nakon dobareh yade bachegihat mioftam

in hameh safar mireh ama har mogheh miyad khooneh engar ke ye jaye digeh mireh engar byad man ro ham bebareh. vaghti nist delam khali misheh. fekr mikonam ke digeh nemibinamesh. dafeh pish ham ke tanhaee oomad ta ye hafteh too moode khaili badi boodam.

jomeh shab dashtam divooneh mishodam.nafasam bala nemiomad. bad az ye dooshe nim saateh raftam donbaleh E o avordamesh pishheh khodam. hamisheh behem energy mosbat mideh. koli ba ham sheitooni kardim  o raghsidim o lebasamoon ro avaz kardim o aksaye ajagh vajagh gereftim. I love her. in hameh zendegi ro az koja miareh ba in vazi ke dareh nemifahmam. vaghean ke afarin behesh.

too office hastam o asan nemidoonam chera inghadr zood oomadam. hava sardeh o asan delam nemikhad beram biroon vali daram mimiram baraye ye latteh. ye muffin e zardaloo  ham bahash bad nemisheh ha? then I am going for it.

11:26 AM - Nov. 23, 2008 - comments {1} - post comment

Numbers

hava khaili sard shodeh sobha zemestooneh o sooze zemestoon cheshmaye khabaloodam ro baz mikoneh. hich vaght ta be hal majboor naboodam inghadr zood az khoneh bezanam biron. ama I kinda enjoy it. derakhateh jeloye khooneh lokhteh lokht shodeh va bargash zardtarin zarde tabiat shodan range aftbgardoon. dirooz ye list drost kardam az har chizi ke man ro happy mikoneh. chantash ke baraye khodam ham khaili khandeh dar bood ro inja minvisam....

 ketabe khoob, akbar abdi, khiale be iran raftan, sange paye siah. soup e piaz, adamse badkonaki (ageh adams khersi basheh ke digeh vow). kharid kardan mogheh ke chizi ehtiaj nadari, email ha. nahar khordan dar hale rah raftan too Camden Town (bizzar), tokhme morgh shansi. telephone har shabe p. neshastan kenare khiaboon vaghti hava tarikeh be sharte inke sard nabasheh.

in pishnahade p bood. It helped. badesh ham behem goft ke do se bar listet ro bekhoon har dafeh azash oonaee ke ziad mohem nistan kam kon bebin akharesh chi barat mimooneh. har chi moond alajeh dardeteh.... az khandeh mordeh boodam mesleh jadoogarha harf mizad. valin oon jedi migoft. hala daram roosh kar mikonam. bebinam be koja miresam.

emrooz ba ye setareh ashena shodam ye setareh  pir. 75 saleh.... vastadeh boodam o biroon ro negah mikardamm asan havasam be dor o baram nabood asan nemidoonestam chi migzareh too fekraye khodam ghargh shodeh boodam ke motevajeh shodam ye nafar dareh baham sohbat mikoneh. ye aghaye  ghad bolandeh moo sefid ke ziad ham ghiafash taro tamiz nabood. azam porsid ke .... darin.

nemidoonestam chieh khordanieh ya bahash kare digeh ee mikonan. behesh goftam ta hala nashnidam ama ageh ye lahzeh sabr koneh barash paida mikonam. ketabam ro baz kardam ke bebinam asan in chizi ke in agha donbalesheh chieh... behem goft velesh kon ageh dashtin midonesti. azash khastam baram tozih bedeh ke chieh o vaseh chi khoobeh. khaili kholase baram goft ke baz ham daghighan nafahmidam faghat fahmidam ke ye no giyahe chini hastesh. badesh baram az khodesh goft. ke 15 roozeh ke fahmideh saratan dareh. va be zoodi chimithrapy ro shoroo mikoneh. harfaye delneshini baram goft, baram tarif kard ke chi kareh boodeh o chetor be injaye donia resideh. baram goft ke zendegi yani chi o chi bayad az zendegy khast. emailesh ro ham behem dad. akharesh ham ke mikhast bere goft man 75 saleh ta oon mogheh fekr mikardam ke khaili dashteh basheh 55. behesh goftam ke khaili khoob az khodetoon movazebat kardin ke 75 saleh be nazar nemiresin goft. be jaye inke har rooz fekr koni ke emrooz ye rooz pir tar shodi begard bebin oon roozeh jadid too khodesh barat che kadoee dareh.... goft ageh har rooz ghabl az khabet baraye khodet benvisi ke oon rooz behet chi dadeh. o chi gerefteh mibini ke har saat az zendegit ro dari kado migiri.  bazi mogheh ha ham baraye balance shodan in charkheh bayad in kado har az dast bedi... khodahafezi kard o raft ama az bad az zohr ta be hal daram behesh fekr mikonam...

derakhteh yasam ro daran mibaran chon noore kafi nadareh..... fekr mikardam ke chera inghadr bargash mirizeh ha.............. narahatam ama khob vaseh yas khoshalam ke dobareh halesh khoob misheh.

7:48 PM - Nov. 17, 2008 - comments {0} - post comment

Lavender

Mamooriate kharej az shahr baraye in chan rooz khaili khoob bood. etefaghan daghighan hamoon chizi bood ke behesh ehtiaj dashtam. Hoteli ke toosh boodam vasate mazraeh ha bood. az karkhooneh ziad door nabood. sobh be sobh nazere tolooe khorshid boodam ke aroom o ba vaghar khodesh ro az poshteh booteh ha bala mikeshid. hameh ja sabz bood o adam oxijen ro to hava hes mikard. golhaye banafsheh lavender hameh ja boodan o atreshoon hava ro por kardeh bood.

karkhooneh companimoon bozorg nist am khaili jalebeh. koochiktarin chizi toosh piada nemisheh ke gheire ghableh recycling basheh. hata khodeh sakhtemoon ham hameh az masalehe tabiee sakhteh shodeh.

ghesmateh production az hameh ja jaleb tar bood. packaging donia ye khodesh ro dasht. va buying office tanha jaee bood ke delam nemikhast azash biroon biam. midoonesti tamoome ros haye in company az iran vared misheh. I was wondering ke chan darsad az mardomeh iran midoonan ke rose iran behtarin quality donia ro dareh!!!!

in 2 rooz mesleh bargh gozasht... delam nemikhast bargardam. har shab booye gavo goosfan miiyoomad. salha bood ke in boo ro hes nakardeh boodam.

dobareh bargashtam be shahre por az majera o zendegi por az majera.

12:46 PM - Nov. 14, 2008 - comments {0} - post comment

........................

emrooz ageh khooneh mimoondam divooneh shodeh boodam. ageh khasteh naboodam kami dir tar miomadam. asan mikham bedoonam  oomadan o nayoomadaneh man be khooneh che farghi mikoneh. emshab ham nist. halam dareh az in vaziat be ham mikhoreh.. hala kam kam daram bavar mikonam ke dareh ba man bazi misheh. daram bavar mikonam ke email e S momkeneh ke haghighat dashteh basheh. cheghadr talash kardam ke be khodam beghabooloonam ke in moozoo droogheh ama. kam kam hameh chiz dareh roshan misheh.

P bishtar az sad dafeh az dishab ta hala behem tel kardeh baraye avalin bar jeloye harfe adama vastadeh o azam dareh defa mikoneh. ba nahayate khanoomi.... engar hameh montazereh in etefagh boodan. aslan heseh narahati nadram. az biroon raftan A ham narahat nistam az tanhaee ye khodam narahatam. ama oon ham bayad ta be hal adat shodeh basheh.

emrooz ke oomadam khooneh az A.N 3 ta message dashtam. miss her ama chi kar mitoonamm bokonam.

Emshab hava sared o baroonieh. farda miram sareh kar chon yekshanbeh hastesh o digeh hoseleh nadaram khooneh basham. I hate Sundays.

donbaleh ye ketabe khoob migardam ke ye kami behem energy mosbat bedeh. ye kam roohiam ro boost koneh. P goft ke az Iran baram ketab miyareh goft ke list benevisam behesh bedam goft ke be farsim ham komak misheh. oon fker mikoneh ke man bayad ketabaye oon ro bekhoonam ama hameh ketabash sangineh oonaee ro ham ke mitoonam bekhoonam khoondam oona e digeh ham ya mokh mikhad ya savad. ya inke inghadr ziyadan ke nemitoonam ba khodam invar oonvar bebarameshoon o hezarta jeld hastan. manzoor..................

golam haleshoon khaili khoobeh o belakhareh dishab baraye roodkhoonam esme paida kardam. va khastegim bad az in chan rooz daroomadeh o hazer be kar hastam.

hameh o hameh kas daran be akhare khat miresan .one drop... faghat kafieh tasmimi gerefteh besheh o  oon tasmim ejra besheh. be zoodi be zoodi.

10:37 PM - Nov. 8, 2008 - comments {1} - post comment

End of Friday.

The only thing would have kept me at home tonight, was talking to somebody . somone who knows me from my childhood and that's no one other than K. She came on line. we talked and talked. She siad your father tree is all yellow and it's very cold in Hamedan.

She told me about the dream she had the other night, she told me about S being happy in new uni and doing his best. She sounds tierd. sometimes I think I am the happiest and luckiest on earth to compare to K. I always dreamt about doing something for her. and she still amazes me by her strength and prid.

Talked to F the only one has left in my family. when I told her about what has happend tonight she called me Ahmaghe bishoor. I just laughed this is her saying( tekye kalam) har mogheh ke mikhad be adam begeh eshtebah kardi ama na ba asabaniat migeh ahmaghe bishoor. vadaresh kardam 6 dafeh digeh begeh ta az paye computer boland shod raft ke bayad zarfa robeshooreh.

My little S is a man now. I am so proud of him. lovely gent.

My Friday started full of Love and happiness and ended with sarrow. all I did agian thinking about me and me and me again.

Aftabgardoon come out of this me. me is destroying you. this is not you. ye poosteh khoshkideh kohneh e badrang o bad boo doreh in man ro gerefteh... ye joory bekanesh bendazesh biroon.

I didn't go out tonight only and only cause i prommised.

sare gholam moondam ba inkeh hameh shahr emshab atish bazieh. mitoonestam beram labeh roodkhooneh o atishbazi negah konam.. hich kas nemidoonest koja hastam chikar mikonam. vali to migi khob nist dokhtar e tanha in mogheh shab biroon basheh. harfe p and Aziz ro mizani.....

khaili delam mikhad yejoori laje ye nafar ro dar biaram. ama nashod.

11:05 PM - Nov. 7, 2008 - comments {1} - post comment

Friday

beautiful Friday. aftabi por az energy and you kow what it actualy feels like a Friday back home.

be A.N tel kardam dasht miraft shemshak ba doostamoon. ooooooommmmmmmmm jaye man khali. ama eshkal nadareh khoshali oona khoshalieh maneh. miss you.. ye donia ye donia.

raftam nimsaati shena kardam por az energy am yadam rafteh bood rooz e tatili che hali o havaee dareh. ye rooze kamel ke maleh khodet basheh. planned to have lunch with P.

A was so nice last night he took me out and after a long long time i felt wanted.... He believes I get it wrong... he thinks I need a break, i did my best to not talk about me but that was his mission.  It was another night talking about me. I am not intrested in me any more. I called A.N to tell her that i want to go clear and she's got to come with me. but wasnt' a good momment. she was driving and all she talked about was Lunch in Shemshak. behesh goftam ke delam barash tang shodeh. goft man ham ey gol to ro mikham......... ey kash mitoonestam beram khooneh. ah baz ham khooneh.

ok let it go.

called k. she was out S said she's gone to see your father. ghalbam vastad. goftam tanha? goft na ba F.Why does she take F to my fathers grave every single Friday.. I hate it. her heart is not good why they got the habit of torturing themselves. S goft " bia zoodtar bia dont' let it be late" chera???????

chi mikhad late besheh?

10:14 AM - Nov. 7, 2008 - comments {0} - post comment

Man e man beine manha

Misheh ingahdr delam vaseh khodam nashoozeh? I hate it. ye zamani aslan be khodam fker nemikardam hamash be adama fekr mikardam tamoome talasham in bood ke tooye behtar sazi zendegieh adamaye mohtaj sahmi dashteh basham.

in rooza it's all about me me me me and baz ham me. dirooz tamoome rah to train ta sare kar be harfam fekr mikardam. It's not quit right. there is no problem there is nothing to be a problem. man ke inghadr nashokr naboodam man ke be hameh chiz razi boodam. chera yeho inghadr khodkhah shodam faghat be khodam fekr mikonam. oon mogheh ha ta tanha mishodam fker mikardam ke bayad chikar konam barnameh fardam chieh chetor zoodtar mitoonam be hadafam beresam. hala be noghteh ee residam ke midoonam ta 2 mahe digeh ham mesleh emroozeh. kar o khooneh.... oon mogheh ha ham kar mikardam oon mogheh ha ham dars mikhoondam va vaghtam az alan ham kamtar bood ama motmaen mishodam ke baraye hameh chiz vaght dashteh basham.

Emrooz baz ham hava abrieh. kahili abrieh. barghaye zarde roo asfalt digeh khesh khesh nemikonan khis hastan o bad rang shodan. derakhta lokhte lokht shodan o digeh hich sanjabi nemibinam.... hava khaili tarikeh ba inke zohre . sooze khasi dareh ke booye zemestoon ro mideh.

Emrooz as sobh ke bidar shodam ghati boodam raftam sare kar hameh chiz ro ke radif kardam omadam khooneh. be ye chan rooz esterahat ehtiaj daram. too rah ke bodam ye phone call e talaee gereftam.... shoot yadam rafteh bood ke emrooz trainer miyad vaseh bacheh ha man ham bayad mimoondam sare kar.... avalesh mazerat khahi kardam o khaili khejalat keshidam inghadr ke ehsas mikardam cheghadr sooratam ghermez shodeh. vali badesh pisheh khodam goftam asan eshkal nadareh, khob har kasi momkeneh eshtebah bokoneh. taze dozarim oftad ke cheghadr maghzam sholoogheh o ba inkeh computeram o telephonam  koli behem reminder dadan baz ham emrooz ro faramoosh kardam.

ye chizeh digeh sobh raftam ba khanoome gol foroosh ghardad bastam ke hafteh ee ye bar baram gol biaran. ham vatan dar oomad. koli khoshal shod. man ham khoshal shodam. che kare khoobi. az sobh ta shab ba gola adam bazi mikoneh.

kholase inke digeh az emrooz man be man. man shoot misheh o mireh. man ham ye adam mesleh adamaye digeh donia. har kasi ye sarneveshti dareh. rast migofti ke bayad ghavi basham. hala ghavi misham. avalin chiz ineh ke bayad faramoosh konam ke mani vojood dareh in mani ke man baraye khodam sakhtam ziadi geranbahast dar sooraty ke bahash daghighan mesle man haye digeh hastesh.

ye shaleh naregi bastam doreh lobat bebinam ta key oonja mimooneh. nemidoonam chera hamintory vaseh bazi.... how sad ha?

12:06 PM - Nov. 6, 2008 - comments {0} - post comment

Haleh khoob

Haleh khoob ya bad ro nemishnasam. be tafavoti ro tarjih midam dar vagheh betafavoti khoobam mikoneh. ama too ye sery zamineh ha betafavot boodan energy mikhad. shayad ham beghole ... avaz shodan zaman mikhad. haif ke man zaman naddaram.

dirooz WF baz shood... prime location. beautiful. az in behtar nemisheh. bozorgtarin complex too ouropa... kam nist. man vasate storam ye derakhate yas daram koochik ham nist az man khaili ghadesh bolandtareh., barghaye baragh e sabz dareh.o tanash be ham pichideh. ziresh nimkat o shelfhaye koochikeh ke ketab gozashtam toosh. hameh chiz jadid o baragheh. hameh ja shisheh ast. az dirooz tahala mordam az khandeh hamash mardom miran too shisheh ha.

khaili khastam ama khastegi delpazirieh. hameh chiz jadideh o baram tazegi dareh. in do rooz az 8.30 sobh kar kardam ta alan11.30, office khodam ro daram o do ta computer. staff am hameh khaili khooban. farda fekr mikonam ke khaili sholoogh besheh.

khoneh mesleh hamisheh ast. arezoo be delam moondeh ke biam khooneh o ye kase digeh cheragh ro roshan kardeh basheh. o ba ye chaee ye taze dam cheshme be rahe man boodeh basheh. fargh nemikoneh che saati az rooz miyam khooneh. hamisheh khalieh o sard. engar ke khodam hastam o khodam. az vaghti aziz mord digeh khooneh garm paida nakardam.

oon mogheh ha hamisheh montazer e ma bood az madreseh biam. miz chideh shodeh bood ghazaye dagh montazeremoon bood. ageh bad az zohri ham ke boodim be faslesh asrooneh hamisheh amadeh bood. ooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmm oon rooza koja raftan?

too in hafteh fahmidam ke man hata memory ghabl az oomadanam yani hamoon chan maheh akhar ham az dast dadam. ye doosti ke doostim faghat chan mah bood email am ro paida kardeh bood o baram email dad. hanooz ham bad az ferestadan aks o koli khatere neveshtan yadam nayoomadeh ke ki boodeh. migeh ke oon mogheh ham ke rafti barat nameh midadam... ama man asan yadam nemiyad. bavaram nemisheh.

chizaye injoory asabam ro yejoory mirizeh be ham ke lezate khasi behem mideh. har chi fekr mikonam yadam nemiyad. che jaleb cheghadr ashnaye gomshodeh daram.  vay cheghadr khastam o cheghadr khabam miyad. i wish for golden dreams. it has in it's own value.

11:30 PM - Oct. 31, 2008 - comments {1} - post comment

sobh ke bidar shodam shisheh ha hameh bokhar kardeh bood vali khorshid khanoom biroon boodan o menat mizashtan. biroon ro ke negah kardam didam dishab barf oomadeh albateh faghat roo machin ha neshasteh bood o hameh ja ye laye yakheh khoshk basteh bood. panjera ro ke baz kardam sooze zemestoon ro khob hes kardam... dishab bad az chan shab belakhareh  khoob khabidam. man hich vaght ...........................

velesh kon.

gahi vaghta fekr mikonam ke man chera inja tooye in page minvisam? az mogheh ee ke inja minvisam digeh too daftaram kamtar minvisam. chandin bar tasmim gereftam ke digeh nanvisam ama baz ham nakhod agah dastam roo kye board in sit ro type mikoneh o hata bedooneh inke fekr konam password am ro type mikoneh o mashghooleh neveshtan misham. khodam han nemidoonam ke vaseh chi minvisam? shayad bekhater inke midoonam ye nafar inja baram yaddasht mizareh.. ye nafar oon door doora bedooneh inkeh bedooneh man ky hastam neveshteh ham ro mikhooneh.

anyways. vali emshab neminevisam. ye ehsase ajibi daram ke ta be hal nadashtam.

7:47 PM - Oct. 29, 2008 - comments {2} - post comment

az dirooz dareh none stop mibareh ...Dirooz raftam pisheh Aziz... ziyad namoondam oon ja hava khaili saredeh, badesh ham zood meh misheh o ageh tanha basham kami mitarsam. kami neshastam o mesleh hamisheh naharam ro bahash khordam. didam hich chiz halam ro be andazeh ye estakhr ja nemiyareh. Shanbeh aroom o be sar o sedaee bood. shab ham ke ba E boodam.

in hafteh. khail sram sholoogheh. kame kam 4 roozesh ro bayad roozi 12 saat kar konam. daram branch khodam ro too Westfield baz mikonam. hayajan o delshooreh inke chetor mikhad besheh ye lahzeh aroomam nemizareh. too do hafteh gozashteh hamash recruite dashtam o kholeseh movafagh shodam chan nafar khoob paida konam.

Emrooz ham ke baz Yekshanbeh hastesh. dareh baroon miyad o inghadr tarikeh ke tamoomeh cheragha ro roshan gozashtam.  daram miram kami zireh baroon bodooam shayad betoonam ba tariki kenar biam.

Paeezeh ,Paeezeh Orion.          

8:32 AM - Oct. 26, 2008 - comments {1} - post comment

sandogham

Har kasi to khoonash ye kesho ya ye chamedoon dreh por az chizaee ke estefadeh nemikoneh vali be dalili negaheshoon dashteh. projeh emrooz man raftan soraghe oon sandogh bood ke too 10 sale gozashteh har chi ke nemikhastam endakhtam toosh o asan nemidoonestam chi hast o chi nist. hata 5 sale pish ke dashtam miyoomadam too in khooneh hoseleh nadashtam ke bazesh konam o bebinam toosh chieh. oon mogheh inghadr por nabood ama digeh jadidan hichi ja nemishod. vaseh hamin goftam ye ziro roosh konam bebinam chi hastesh.

be ghair az ye sery neveshteh  ho aksaye parakandeh ke too zamane khodeshon fekr mikardam ke nemikham baraye modati bebinameshoon hezar joor khert o pert digeh ham paida kardam. az hameh jaleb tar kafshhaye aroosim bood. nemidoonam chera fekr nakardam ke laaghal tamizeshoon konam o bezarameshoon oon too. hanooz gelhaye khoshk shodeh oon roozeh ghashange september behesh bood. tooye oon park e bozorg............. ye khorjin paida kardam ke salha pish vaghti miraftam class naghashi estefadash mikardam oon mogheh ha shalvare dam pa goshad mipooshidam o mantoye kootah ye head band ham hamisheh zireh maghneh am dashtam. ta khorjin ro didam yade oon rooza oftadam ba  doostam miraftam class naghashi.....vow che havaee bood.

ye box musical ke az disney land kharideh boodam o ye winny the pooh roosh bood. toosh ye tasbiheh pareh paida kardam. khandam gereft. daghighan yadameh ke oon tasbih chetory pareh shod....va chera raft tooye oon jabeh.

az hameh dardnak tar yaddashtha o folder haye HR bood. bazihashoon ro dobareh khoondam nomreh ham ro barresi kardam. ye ho tasmim gereftam hama ro ba jash bendazam too shghali. Sangin boodan ama be har hal bordameshoon paeen o hamoontory endakhtamesh too satle ashghaleh paeen. ageh hamsayee bebineh mifahmeh ke male ki boodeh baraye hamin koli barg e koshk ham rikhtam rooshoon. hata nemitoonestam fekr konam ke tooye satle ashghaleh khoonam bemoonan.

ye joory pashimoonam ageh bekham darsam ro edameh bedam beheshoon ehtiaj daram. it's too late .

ama hata ba khoondaneshoon dobareh halam dasht bad mishod. bavaram neisheh oon hameh passion chi shod? inghadr man in dars ro doost dashtam. yeho chera intory shodam?

vaghti cheshmam be aroosakam ke parsal p baram avordeshoon negah kardam ye kami aroom shodam. aroosakaye khoshgelam har kodoomeshoon az ye jaye donia oomadeh boodan. cheghadr hamisheh movazebeshoon boodam. p baram hameh ro pichideh bood tooye parcheh ke kasif nashan. hamashoon booye bachegim ro midadan. hamishhe midoonestam ke ina male bazi kardan nistan. midoonestam ke p ham khaili doosteshoon dareh o bayad khoob azashoon moraghebat besheh. parsal vaghti bad az 12 sal p avordeshoon ye haleh gharibieh khashi nesbat beheshoon dashtam. engar ke baram gharibeh boodan ama khaili zood dobareh baham doost shodan. bazihashoon booye atreh aziz ro midan yadameh yavashaki az atre aziz beheshoon mizadam ke khosh boo beshan.,bad az in hameh sal hanooz booshoon moondeh.

chan ta az lebasaye bachegim ham tooye in sandogheh hast oon ha ro ham p avord baram goft hamisheh negaheshoon dashtam ke ye roozi taneh dokhtaret bokoni.  Dokhtaram????

hata koochiktarin maili be madar shodan nadaram. forget it.

sandogham ro bastam hamoon glime ghadimi ke khodam az esfahan avordeh boodam ro roosh endakhtam o  neshastam paye computer ta benvisam ke che hali daram.

haleh khoob.. har chi ke badeh bayad beresh. har chi ke azaram mideh bayad bereh. ama fekr nemikardam ke roozi bedooneh dobareh fekr kardan tamoomeh essay ha o neveshteh haye 2 sal dars khoondan ro biroon biandazam. ama eshkal nadareh ageh ye roozi tasmim begiram ke bekhoonam shayad betoonam roo computere p paidashoon konam. shayad ham na. hala ta oon rooz.

khorshid khanoom ye nim saati misheh ke rafteh zireh in abr ziaheh.mikhastam beram biroon hameh barnameh ham ro be ham zad.

3:30 PM - Oct. 23, 2008 - comments {1} - post comment

Emrooz

Emrooz yeki az ghashangtarin roozha bood. beautiful full of joy and colour.

tamom e sobh dashtam naghsheh mikeshidam ke nahar chi kar konam. too meeting faghat be ye chizi fker mikardam oon ham poshte bam bood. sakhtemooni ke toosh kar mikonam az sakhtemoonaye ghadimieh vasate shahereh va poshte boom dareh.  ye ye robi vaghtam gerefteh shod ta paida kardam ke chetor mitoonam beram roo poshteh bam ama akharesh raftam. ba inkeh tamoome atraf por az sakhtemoonhaye koochik o kootah bood o hich manzareh ye khasi nadasht am inghadr behem khosh gozasht ke fekr kardam ke bayad benvisamesh. bavaram nemisheh ke vasate shahere be in bozorgi ba in hameh terafic oon bala asan az donia joda bood. ye alameh digeh bood hich sedaee be joz kher o kere kabootar ha nemiyoomad. aroom por az aftab va khonak bood. yade ye jaee oftadeh boodam ama nemidoonam koja vali hes mikardam ke ghablan oonja boodam. tooye ye shahreh bozorg ye roozeh paeezi rooye poshteh boom zireh aftab... in rooza khorshid khanoom khaili lotf daran hamash khod namaee mikonan. vaghti ham ke oon hastesh man ham khoshalam o halam khobeh.

omidvaram ke hamintory hafteh ee chan rooz aftabi besheh ta man hesabi joon begiram. vaghti ke khoob shodam midoonam ke ba abr ha ham kenar miyam.

7:48 PM - Oct. 22, 2008 - comments {1} - post comment

Meditation

Emrooz sobh mogheh med faghat ye vajeh jaygozieneh vow mishod... bazi vaghta az inke med inghadr room asare manfi dareh azyat misham. gahi oghat khaili mireh too detail o hameh soalhaye pichideh ro pichideh tar mikoneh. jange baine sedaha o vajeh ha tooye maghzeh man ke chandan ham bozorg nist sakhteh. in 20 daghigheh mesle 1000 sal baaram gozasht. hamash yavashaki saat ro chek mikardam. mamoolan bad az med yezareh mikhabam ama emrooz kalafeh boodam .................. bazieh vajeh ha o kalameh hayee ke modatast nashnidam too zehnam khasteh konandeh hastan. chan rooze pish ranghaee ro ke too med didam note bardary kardam va emrooz kalameh ha hamash ghalabeh mikardan be vow o focusam. 20 daghigheh sakhti bood. salhast ke purity 80% nadashtam emrooz ke rubish bood.

Emshab too tariki med mikonam o tanha shayad ke focusam bishtar besheh.

nagoo in kara be dard nemikhoreh salhast ke med tanha jab be naaroomi haye man boodeh o vaghti roo barnameh follow mikonam kam kam khodam ro bishtar mishnasam. va hich mogheh too tamoomeh in sala inghadr ba barnameh o strict followsh nakardam.

la la la la la la la la

8:00 PM - Oct. 20, 2008 - comments {1} - post comment

These dayes

emrooz sobh modate ziadi raghse barghaye khoshrange paeezi ro ba ahangeh bad negah mikardam derakhteh vasate meidooneh mohavateh kam kam dareh lokht misheh. har rooz ye alameh barg rikhteh roo zamin... in cleaner e ham hamsh miyad jaroo mikoneh o in barghaye be in zibaee ro mirezeh biroon. ama chan roozieh ke nayoojmadeh biroon por shodeh az barghaye khoshrang...

aftabe ghashingi bood sobh. khorshid khanoom hamash ba oon tikeh abr siaheh too jedal bood. dameh zohr bood ke didam belakhareh abreh pirooz shod, chize jadidi nist in abraye inja enghadr semejan ke hamash khorshid khanoom ro be asiri migiran. hay in bade khosh seda miyad o miroonateshoon o khorshid khanoom ro dar miyareh ama baz ham hachin ke badeh mireh ke ye chorti bezaneh dobareh miyan o khorshid khanoom ro mibaran.

in rooz a khaili tanham.... ama aroomam. vaghti man aroomam A ham aroomeh. doostaye khoobam dor o baram hastan o har shab ye barnameh ee hast. ama baz ham tanham.

sobhi ye sari ham be Lobaat zadam. ye kami hugesh kardam o hamchin ke por az energy shodam shoro kardam be doeedan. doeedan ham be hem energy mideh makhsoosan ageh too paeez basheh. parke poshteh khoone hanooz bishtaresh sabzeh ama be andazeh kafee barge khoshk dareh ke az sedashoon lezat bebaram. nahar ro ba A labeh roodkhooneh bozorgeh shahr khordim.. vaghti man aroomam oon ham aroomeh.

rasti ye alameh chiz yad gereftam. geyahan darmani har kodoom khodeshoon vaseh khodeshoon ye charectery daran. khaili jaleban. bazi hashoon khaili khoshgel o khosh boo hastan va bazi hashoon khaili bad boo. roghan ha ham har kodoom vase khodeshoon ye doniaee daran. in kar too moghayeseh ba karaye ghablim baram holiday hastesh. khaili karam ro doost daram albateh felan va khaili aroomam mikoneh. hameh geyaha ya female hastan ya male. in ro az shakhsiateshoon misheh fahmid. esmashoon ham hamintor. ey kash ke mitoonestam zoodtar biam o ye sari be oon atarieh sare meidoon tajrish bezanam hamisheh azash sepand mikharidam. hich booee ro be andazeh booye sookhtaneh sepand doost nadaram.

ye seri chizaye digeh mesleh Homeopathy o Bach flower remedies ham yad gereftam ke khaili jaleban. digeh masage ham nagood digeh. ta down misham zoodi miparam o ye masage migiram.  yavash yavash doniaye badrangam dareh kamrang misheh o ye zendegi e digehee shoroo mishe. jadidan bishtar az har mogheh digeh ba hameh chiz kenar miyam o mizaram etefaghat bedoone controle khareji bioftan. delam nemikhad in energy haee ke inghadr moshkel jam mikonam alaki az dast bedam. nagofteh namooneh ke mah ramezoon khaili moaser bood. badesh ham holiday va kare jadid. va ghabl az hameh ina ye dooste khoob ke nemifahmam chera az doosti ziad khoshesh nemiyad........................

11:20 PM - Oct. 19, 2008 - comments {1} - post comment

chan roozi gozashteh o man hich esmi baraye rood khooneham paida nakardam.

in rooza hoseleh neveshtan nadaram. kare jadidam khaili aroomam kardeh o tazeh dirooz ye masage ham gereftam. be biamrieh boome sefid mobtala shodam na mitoonam benvisam na mitoonam barnameh rizi konam hata jadval ham nemitoonam hal konam. ketab ham nemikhoonam. dobareh flat shodam ama inbar flat boodanam khoobeh ehsaseh mosbati dareh. ehsas mikonam hamoon be tafavoti  ee ke modata bood ke roosh kar mikardam dareh asar mikoneh.

nazdikeh christmaseh ama asan booye christmas nemiyad. hamisheh in mogheh hameh ja sholoogh bood o ham e kado mikharidan ama emsal hich ja sholoogh nist. engar ke ye etefagheh bad oftadeh. zendegieh mardon sokoon shodeh. yani pool inghadr mohemeh? ke khoshali mardom ro migeereh?

kash ke khoshal naboodaneh man ham az pool bood. bavaram nemisheh ke vaseh bazi ha inghadr pool mohemeh ke hata hazer nistan khodeshoon ro baraye christmass amadeh konan. be har hal too 13 saleh gozashteh hich chi injoory nadideh boodam.

hava digeh paeezeh paeezeh va man har rooz piadeh miram sareh kar, digeh music ham goosh nemikonam chon khesh kheshe barga haifan ke shenideh nashan. hamchenan rooye barga minvisam albateh bemanad ke chan chizi baraye neveshtan nadaram ama barga daftaram ro khaili khoshgel kardan. rasti  az oon narengiha ke nesfesh sabzeh o booye madreseh mideh oomadeh emrooz koli kharidam.

 khodaya be man bagheh narengi bedeh.................

7:39 AM - Oct. 15, 2008 - comments {1} - post comment

Gaze

It was a good party... tanha kasi ke har az gahi yade in miofteh ke hameh ro doreh ham jam koneh Poupak hastesh. A o E va man hameh ba ham raftim. az oonja ke hoseleh drunk kardan o dobareh raftan too moodi gloomy ro nadashtam gharar shod oona drink konan o man drive.

hich vaght ehtiaj be drink baraye raghsidan nadashtam .ta sobh mitoonam beraghsam bedooneh inke ehtiaji be drug dashteh basham. too in ye mored vaghean khosh be halam chon adamaye ziadi injoory nistan. E alan velow shodeh roo mobl o hezar ta padeshah ham dareh khab mibineh. A rafteh khooneh doostesh ke ma be hesab girly night dashteh bashim.

ama az hadaf az neveshtan  e emshab. hich chizi man ro be andazeh mehmooni iroon khosh hal nemikoneh va hich vaght lazem nist baraye javab be davatesh 2 bar fekr konam. oon mogheh hha khodam ham khaili mehmooni midadam ama digeh hoselash ro nadaram.

ye chizi ke too har mehmooni  e irooni man ro shegeft zadeh mikoneh GAZE hastesh... in negah haye amigh baine dokhtara o pesara, khanooma o aghaha... lazem nist az sene khasi bashi mojarad ya moteahel hamisheh in Gaze donbaleteh. avalin bar too ye film az karhaye Shirin Neshat man ba Gaze ashna shodam. hamoon negahi ke too har gooshe kenar e iran hastesh.. har kasi in negah ro balad nist bayad irani bashi ta betooni cheshm too cheshm intor amigh negah koni, tanha chizi ke harasoonam mikoneh o hamisheh baes misheh zood cheshmam ro becharkhoonam hamin omghe neghahe adamast............. hata roo dance floor vaghti be doret negah mikoni o mibini ke mardha donbale in hastan ke cheshmeshoon too cheshmet biofteh kharashidan roohet ro ehsas mikoni.. man adame khejalati nistam ama az in negah motenaferam. emshab tasmim gereftam ke hata ye lahzeh ham be doram negah nakonam faghat too cheshmaye A ya E negah konam ya inke kasani ke ba ham harf mizanan............ faghat ye marde irooni hamchin negahi be ye zan mikoneh. hich nation e digeh ee in negah ro yad nagerefteh.

engar ke mikhan ba negaheshoon payghoomi bedan ageh bekham manfi fekr konam engar ke daran tamoome vojoodet ro tajzieh tahlil mikonan. ageh mosbat fekr konam engar mikhan yadeshoon biad ke to ro koja didan. ba ye fekr ( ke nemidoonam khoobeh ya bad) be cheshmat bedoone pelk zadan khireh mishan.  vaghti bache boodam in negah hamisheh doram bood too otoboos ya taxi, too mehmooni ya forooshgah... ehsas rahat i nabood va hamishe kamtar az yek dahom e sanieh mishod ke chesham ro be jaye digeh ee khireh mikardam. hala ke in negah ro mishnasam baz ham hese asooni nist. engar mikham dad bezanam o begam bebakhshid ha ye kami privacy !!!!!!!!

vaghti emshab in mozoo ro ba yeki az doostam discuss kardam behem goft to divoonehee ....to ham bayad yad begiri ke hamoontory negaheshoon ro pas bedi........ yani chi nemifahmam. man faghat dar soorati too cheshmeh kasi nega mikonam ke taraf dareh baham sohbat mikoneh.

negah ha khaili harf daran. roo in mozoo salha pish too daneshgah kar kardam o movafagh shodam 105 ta negaheh mokhtalef jam konam... rasti yadam rafteh bood bayad oon project ro ye roozi zendeh konam. oon mogheh ha ba akasi in kar ro kardam.......... am hich vaght nemidoonestam ke khodam nemidoonam ke chetor negah mikonam. fekr mikonam ghesmati az khodshenasi baseh.

ye project jadid misheh azash dorost kard ye sery soal bayad benvisam o pakhshehsh konam bein adamaee ke man ro mishnasan va adam haee ke man ro nemishnasan va azshoon bekham ba tavajoh be negaheh man be soalat javab bedan....... khail bekaram na?

jaleb bood emshab ham dar nahayate hoshiari ye chizi yad gereftam.

1:35 AM - Oct. 12, 2008 - comments {1} - post comment

roodkhooneh man

nemidoonam chetory khodam ro be akharin train resoondam ama resoondam. khaili khasteh boodam ta neshastam kado ha va kart haee ro ke bad az sham behem dade boodan baz kardam o khoondam bedoone inkeh daste khodam basheh ashkam sarazir shod. shayad ageh mdioonestam bacheh ham inghadr man ro doos daran hich vaght estefa nemidadam. emrooz ham bahashoon boodam o hamashoon pool roo ham gozashteh boodan o atry ke hamisheh mizanam ro baram kharideh boodan.

emrooz gharar nabood beram ama azam khasteh boodan ke bad az zohr beram o shab ham bahashoon sham beram biroon.

too train ke neshasteh boodam dashtam be in fekr mikardam ke chetory misheh roodkhooneh ee ro paida kard ke jaryanesh be jahate delkhahet basheh. didam ke khaili sakhteh. har joori fekr mikonam in roodkhooneh ro nemibinam. harf az roodkhooneh shod.midooni ke roodkhooneh nil yeki az khatrnak tarin roodkhooneh hast nemidoonam chera. chan sale pish raftam ye filme mostanad ke safar az aval ta akhare nil bood. zibatarin ama khatarnaktarin ghesmatesh too Ethiopia bood............

roodkhooneh Sen as roodkhooneh haee bood ke az bachegi bahash ashna shodam vaghti ketabaye Balzak ro mikhoondam ehsas mikrdam ke kenaresh vastadam o shakhsiate too ketabam. vaghti raftam Franc daghighan hamooni bood ke too zehnam bood.

roodkhooneh Aygan ( ye jaee vassate jadeh chaloos) por khatereh tarin roodkhooneh baram hastesh.

esmeh roodkhooneh Volga ro doost daram.

nesbat be roode Babolsar ehsase malekiat daram o maleh khode khodameh.

zayande rood 33 pole zibash ro be yadam miyareh ke baraye avalin bar ziresh ba p gheiloon keshidam.

va ama roodeh Thames.......... az ghamgin tarin roodhast. har vaght ke delam migireh miram o bahash dard o del mikonam. badesh ta maghzeh ostekhoonam ro az sarma misoozooneh. rangesh badtarin range abieh ke didam khakestarieh sabz......... ageh sakhtemoonaye doresh naboodan hich vaght inghadr maroof nemishod.... yadam nemiyad khorshid ro bahash dideh basham.

ama roodi ke man toosh shena mikonam .... chi begam kenareh nadareh ke azash biam biroon jarinesh ham tond o koli ham vasat masata sang dareh. be zeshtieh Thames nist ama ziba ham nist. rasti esmesh ro chi bezaram? ey kash ke be nil khatm mishod o oonja ke be Ethiopia mireseh o barik mishe mishod beparam biroon . ama sar nadareh nemidoonam be koja mireh. tazegiha az khastegi digeh va dadam o be jaye shena kardan khodam ro sabok kardam o khodesh dareh man ro mibareh.  too jarianesh etefaghaye khoob o bad ziad miofteh gahi ham bedooneh etefaghi rash ro edameh mideh.

Man ba in jarian kenar miyam chon baram digeh energy namoondeh ke khalafesh shena konam. kenar oomadan rahat tar az energy masraf kardaneh...................................

1:24 AM - Oct. 11, 2008 - comments {1} - post comment