I Have a Tendency to Make Myself Laugh

It's Long and Possibly Offensive... Enjoy!

In Christian Education Pastor Julia has been teaching on holiness. On top of that, I’ve been reading Matters of the Heart by Juanita Bynum again and God has been speaking to me. Pastor Julia gave us homework to study some scriptures on holiness and turning from the old man and embracing the new. While I’m rarely in class, I still wanted to be a part, so I wrote a paper. I don’t think we have to write a paper, but I did anyway. It’s kind of a paper/blog entry. Either way it rambles on a bit, which is exactly my style! Enjoy!

The more I go deeper into God this week the more He has been revealing to me the importance of holiness. If there is anything unclean in my heart, even something I may categorize as small and meaningless, God cannot dwell there. Without God my daily life, ministry and even my relationships are meaningless. Holiness isn’t a good idea, or extra credit points with God, it is a requirement. When people play around with holiness/unholiness they are going to fall. God requires 100% commitment. You can act holy all day and night; but if your mind/heart are perverse (in any sense of the word) it’s over. Then really did you commit yourself completely to holiness (or God for that matter)? So you didn’t have sex with her, did you want to so bad it distracted you? So you didn’t act rude to her, but did you say something disrespectful in your mind? What is in you is more powerful then what comes out if you. So if it’s in you it’s only a matter of time before it comes out.

For a month of so, Vincent had been irritating me. He’s been on this kick lately that has caused him to focus more on God than anything else (so annoying I know…). Anytime I have been frustrated about something or someone he has asked me if it is going to matter when I’m 80. For the first month or so, it drove me crazy. I wanted to be upset and possibly cry. I wanted my pity party and he wouldn’t let me have one. After the frustration wore off, I began to evaluate what he was saying. Really are the things I worry about, or the things I get upset about something that will really upset me in 60 years. Will I care that sister so and so is mad at me or that this event didn’t go the way I planned? Will I be upset that Vincent didn’t go out with me after rehearsal or that I didn’t make an extra $100 in my paycheck? Or will I wish I spent more time with God? Will I be mad that I didn’t go visit my parents more? Or that I didn’t discover an anointed CD earlier because I was too busy with secular music (it’s happened). For the past month or so, my focus has been on the things that truly matter to not only God but also to me in the long run.

Once I have experienced life, will I care that at one point Christina Aguilera had a song out called Dirrty and though it was vulgar had an amazing beat? Will it really matter that at one point I felt I needed to cuss to be cool? I doubt I will even think about those things. I’m sure I will look back over my life and be proud of the time I spent helping make life better for others and myself. The time I spent in my word, the time I spent worshiping God (without a mic in my hand). The hours I spent with kids who just needed love and attention. Those are the things I will care about.

It’s easy to care for the things of this world. However, that is not what pleases God. I’ve learned this month that if you focus on what matters in the long run your life will be happier. I cant be torn up for days because so and so is upset with me. I can’t be so driven to watch a scary movie that will only give me nightmares and leave me scared to be home alone. I cant listen to songs about sex and then expect to have a holy thoughts towards my fiancé. This may be a bit harsh for someone to read but it is what God requires of us: To leave the cares of the world behind is to truly focus on what matters.

You can call me religious, you can call me crazy, but I know what my God requires of me. Though I know I don’t/wont always get it right it is my life gold to strive for holiness and leave the cares of this world behind. Love me or leave me that’s who I now am!