Oh man,
I hate this feeling, total confusion, totally "lost". I hate the fact
that people never really understand what someone else is feeling or
going through until they feel ir or go through it themselves. I am sooo
lost, i have no idea what to do. I am in love with a pretty cool guy, i
mean he makes me feel things no other guy could even compare to. I want
to be with him, i want to share my world with him. But at the same
time, I keep having these random notions to hang out with other guys,
even though i know it would upset him. Mainly one, and i don't
understand it, he's nothing, nothing compared to the guy i'm in love
with. I feel so bad, we just went through such a huge ordeal over
things like this.
It's like we keep going back and forth and through circles, round and
round. I make huge mistakes, i tried hard to push him away (in the
beginning) but i never cheated, i never strayed.but i allowed him to
think i did..and when i saw he wasn't leaving, i worked overtime to
make up for the stuff i made him believe ..and when there was a
possibility of him THINKING i was falling for another guy i cut that
short...completely ended the friendship lol. But..right now..i feel
like...ughhh i dunno how i feel =(
I understand what happened to him, he felt like he was as close to
perfect boyfriend as possible and i messed up, so after awhile tha gets
to you and you start to feel like it' wont be such a big deal if i hang
with so and so..or well...it be ok if i have feelings for so and so..i
mean i've been such a good mate and my mate taking it for granted...
I guess thas how i feel and i shouldn't feel tha way, cuz i haven't
been perfect or even close. But then again when i think about itI KNOW
THE STUFF I didn't do, the stuff i coulda done, regardless of wha i led
him to believe..I KNOW THE TRUTH lol and i was damn near perfect as far
as fighting temptations and all that goes. So i guess now thas why i
feel like.....like i'm feeling now.
It's real confusing though, ....why would i give up a relationship with
someone i love, over...over wha? Some guy who makes me feel like he'd
be the best boyfriend in the world lol ..i guess i'm looking at it like
, i wanna play the field but still keep my boo lol *hangs head
low* omg, what happened to me? I'm totally miss committed, miss
one woman type of gal, miss monogamy.....and i do not, do not, do not
wanna hurt him...and i do not wanna be with this other person, but i
can't help being intriged by the thought of hanging with em and
cuddling and stuff either =/
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