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| I was a cocky( in terms of interpersonal relationshipz) naive, self righteous, and spoiled. In terms of guyz ( the ones i fell for) i was clingy, jealous, possesive, and non trusting...in terms of self..i was non decisive, non assertive...and a plain ol push over. My life used to be full of pain, but i finally said NO MORE. Thre differenc between now and then is that i finally have help..... |
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I've
had the craziest weekend , didn't really do much, but the lil i did
turned out to be pretty fun. I've been walking everyday, and feel that
i've lost at least an inch in my clothing. Other ppl are noticing too,
so thas always nice. Friday was my actual birthday, i was suuposed to go to six flags this weekend but no one had the cash for all tha lol...anyway...i ended up at a bowling alley(which is something i don't like) but everyone else wanted to go and i'm a people pleaser you know so i was content with going, only i didn't bowl just watched them. My friend gets mad when i don't participate , i dun understand that, as long as i'm having fun i feel like what's the big deal? I gotta hurry and finish this write( i had a dream last night that i had a presentation due and wha i chose was to read my hummingbird poem and act it out--) weird...i have the strangest dreams. Sat i went to the St.Louis Vair(V.P) Fair and stayed for the duration of the day. It was pretty cool, Black eyed peas performed and they put on a great stage show. Fergee is really energetic on stage,and her voice sounds just as nice as it does on the radio. I had a lil shocker that night too...CC is now flirting with K. He called me Sunday morning and told me how they all went to the fair together. And Friday night they all ended up at the same club and danced all over each other, and C was grinding on him and told him he better watch out cuz she hasn't had "any" in a minute. After he told me tha i was jus like TRIFLING HO'S lol...they don't respect boundaries at all.....Ch didn't respect Cee enough not to go out, kiss, and almost give oral to A, and neither of them respect me enough to not try and have sex with K...i mean the thing with me and K is over...same with Cee and A..they been over...but it still crosses the boundaries of friendship to mess with ur friend's ex...and even worse when you do it right in front of your friend. Now...I always feel like the bad guy cuz i never hang with CC anymore..and they wonder why. They think I'm just being funny, and tha J takes up all my time....trust me ladies..it really isn't that. I rather hang with them on certain situations cuz they're more laid back and can go with the flow..and let loose..lol i guess literally huh...but i don't feel comfortable being around such backstabbers..and users. At least with J i know she got my best interest at heart.. but with those two...blah.The only problem is that they both so much in denial tha it's hard telling them about themselves. So instead, i just prefer to keep my distance.... Oh yeah...the whole being lost thing ...I feel much better on that situation. I told him right away how i was feelin, so i feel that our communication is getting better.Sometimes, love makes us sacrafice...and i know i can't have it both ways, so i choose the safest smartest thing, which is to reinforce the distance bwteen me and this said person. I mean i am pretty good at defeated temptations, but my relationship just came from a very , very rocky point, and wha it all boils down to is ;is flirting and stuff with him worth losing my relationship prolly for good? Thas the question you always gotta ask yourself , and with the help of the great genious Tw, i was able to see that more clearly. | ||
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