10:19 PM - i forgive u ?

  If i could name every person that i lead on, used, lied to or manipulated in some form i'd be tired of typing. If i could go back and verbally apologize i'd be tired of talking. If i could repay them with money id be broke....point is...my life once was full of pain...a cycle of getting hurt and hurting others. I never intended to hurt anyone, but  i think i was living in a fantasy world..actually i know i was.  It wasnt til just recently when that fantasy world was shattered....i woke up and saw that i too was just as guilty of so many ppl i blamed for my painful life.

Its so hard to see urself...no truly see urself. What sucked..is seeing myself caused me to hurt even more ppl...except this time i was fully aware it would hurt them . Sometimes we hold on to ppl for the wrong reasons....and by time we realize or decide to let them go....they've grown too attached, or too in love, or to care for u too much as a friend...tha nothing could ever prepare them for the "betrayal" of the split. --it's happened to me many times.....

I look back at my past and it used to scare me......but im telling ya that God is a God of second chances. My past does not and will not predict my future. I'm tired of loving folks in vain....i'm tired of ppl loving me in vain. The only ppl i want in my life are the people that are SUPPOSED to be there... ..where there's a mutual connection, a mutual bond, mutal respect....and mutal love.....

My past will have me to believe that i don't deserve that, that i've hurt too many ppl, and too many ppl have hurt me.....but just as i had to forgive those who hurt me, i pray that  the ones i hurt will do the same, cuz HE has already forgiven us all.

Im ready for my second chance, im ready to really experience life and not feel "stuck" im ready to leave my past where it is and embrace my future. I'm ready, because i forgive you....and i forgive myself