I am up at 4 am lol, never thought i'd see  days like this again. What woke me? a dream...ughh i hate my dreams. I hate so much thas going on right now, but all of it i have no control over =(     So funny.... Baby it's been a long time coming, do you know how many  sleepless nights i've had over you and your lil obsession? We were in love, deep love? It was deep, so deep, but now that it's happening to you, i guess you can finally understand how very bad it feels, to know that the person you love can't really feel the pain of what you are going through together because of the feelings they have for someone else. Do you ever stop to think about how much it hurt me to know that you and i were going through and having major problems but all you could ever write about was her...and her problems? I guess you can understand how that might feel now, of course then, i was over reacting or it was no big deal.   She came into your life before any of our problems began or shall i say came to the surface , and not even a month after breaking up with me, you were all entralled and in love with her....so...please...don't act all  hurt and victimized now. Please don't come to me talking about how fast i moved on.  I was willing and ready to walk away from him, i even told you i was feeling lost, i talked to u about it before i ever  played into anything with him. It was at the beginning of the "new start" for us..i wanted to do it right...so i came to you up front...and for two weeks it was nice..but after tha.....nothing..thas what i was getting from you..nothing.  But you? Nah.. your lil trist   went on for 6 months,and tha entire time  we were going through so much drama but you were so  completely wrapped up in her that our problems and us came second, that my pain and my worries were ignored........so what  did you think was going to happen? Did you think tha i would just put aside the way you were neglecting me....even when it was "over' with you two it was never really done. Look at u today, all upset cuz she talking to u about her man...he's her boyfriend...not you....but you want to be upset with me for moving on?   Unfair.....even through all tha...i was still ready to give us a try. Do you think it was easy knwoing what you did, what you lost to her? How violated  i felt , but i loved you, i was willing to over look...but still..still you neglected me how does that work exactly...a ld reltionship with virtually NO contact..can't go a whole day without calling....just can't...not with where our relationship was..YOU KNEW i was already  scared and worried about giving it another try...so u tell me it ok, that u love me, tha we can do this..and still neglect me???....so yes...i allowed myself to enjoy  the way he looked at me, the way he WANTED me......so I'm sorry ...but where you are now..I've been...i know how it feels, but hey, maybe someday you get what you want ...or maybe you'll wake up and realize that all you ever wanted and desired you had in me..not my fault  YOU left me...you left me months before July 15....   So i can't feel bad about the way i feel, he cares for me, and shows it...even if it'll never be, he makes me feel so happy to just be me...all i ever wanted from u...why was it so hard for u to just at least ACT happy with me....but for the last year or so that was like a lost cause..so i gave up...tired..tired of mentally fighting with you...and  ur wrong, i didn't come to you about my guy problems.... you asked me  about it...you came to me...do you think i want to hurt you? All i ever wanted was to love you....   I love you, but sometimes i swear, you take so much out of me.