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I was a cocky( in terms of interpersonal relationshipz) naive, self righteous, and spoiled. In terms of guyz ( the ones i fell for) i was clingy, jealous, possesive, and non trusting...in terms of self..i was non decisive, non assertive...and a plain ol push over. My life used to be full of pain, but i finally said NO MORE. Thre differenc between now and then is that i finally have help.....

LifeSep. 1, 2005

So , my day as hectic !
I woke up early, around 7;30 getting ready for ther doctor( which was a good visit..btw) I'm watching Big Brother, and for the record I'm  hoping James stays in the house! But neway, it's been almost a week sense i stopped being friends with Kory. I still miss his companionship, but i have no choice but to get over it. I can't say that i miss christa, my feelings for her or still the same, hopefully they will lighten as my spiritual journey deepens, today in my reading i read a great passage about resentment.

Space, i give myself space from people who make me habor bad feelings, who keep me feeling down. I had to do this with someone else .  It had nothing to do with Tyrus or anyone else, but had to do with me. We  talked about it yesterday in which he told me it was unfair. I don't feel as though it's unfair, We want two different things, and neither one of us can fold  or give in to the others desires. I..tried to do it his way...he's tried to do it mine, it just doesn't work. But...while trying to do it his work i was the one who got burned so, there's no way i'd ever do it again. Anyway, can't be a people pleaser, whats not fair to him is fair to me, and whas not fair to me seems fair to him.

All i really want to do is rest but i couldn't ! When i got home from the hospital at 1 pm i went to sleep i was high on benedryl trying to weed out the sneezing and itchy eyes..which complicates my tumor makes my head feel like there are bricks bouncing from each side of my head everytime i move..anyway..a by 2 pm i am woking up by an endless ringing of the door bell, i go to answer it and it's my niece, OH GREAT!...My bro comes in and sayz" i have to pick up A from work, she sick" I'm thinking, big deal so I am, but i cave and let him leave the kids, with one exception..he take the 4 old old with him...his face dropped, but he says , "ok" by the time he was headed out the door my mom shows up, both kids stayed. My mom took care of the 4 old old, i had the baby. Everytime i would fall back asleep he would cry!....By 4:30...my mom was gone, and i was left with both kids...ughhh still no rest...around 6 i call twyon and he brings me sum goodies to make me feel better, he stayed for about ten minutes and we watched the simpons....before he left around 6:30 i called my bro and asked him to come get the kids! He said he didnt plan on coming til after 8;30 or so..i said NAH IMMA NEED U TO OCME BEFORE THEN...so he goes, imma have my wife drop me off and she'll pick the kids up...well it's 7:54 and they JUST left =(
I'm being so taking advantage of...anyway, ..i ask his wife how she was feeling and she said "im still sick, but ig uess i gotta deal with it cuz Al went to play basketball" I'm like WTF he left u with two small kids while u sick to play BASKETBALL????? Not my problem....i felt kina bad though lol but not bad enuff shoot im sick too and they NOT my kids!
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