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I was a cocky( in terms of interpersonal relationshipz) naive, self righteous, and spoiled. In terms of guyz ( the ones i fell for) i was clingy, jealous, possesive, and non trusting...in terms of self..i was non decisive, non assertive...and a plain ol push over. My life used to be full of pain, but i finally said NO MORE. Thre differenc between now and then is that i finally have help.....

dear friend...Sep. 20, 2005

I know how you feel when you read my blogs and don't see your name, how we can have a great day together and only come on here to see all this crap about who hurt or pissed me off, and i KNOW how tha feels from experience.

Writing here is my therapy it's how i deal with sad hurtful things, with things tha make me cry, make me mad. Rarely do i ever write about  good things. It makes me sad though, you got me all wrong. But i can't blame ya.

You think i am going after the "bad boys" when i swear all i want is a good guy. I know you are a good guy, who would always put me first, and i don't feel like spelling it out here, but you know there are things tha keep me from looking at u the way u need me to be looking at u.

As far as wanting the bad boys, the person i recently fell for did hurt me, by picking a "bad girl" over me. But i just told him that I am done, to stop 'trying to work it out " but to actually just go back and be together with his ex.

Everyday he tells me how much he loves me, and guess wha, i actually got fed up! You love me huh, but can't see the obvious choice? Well, ok, too bad for you.

I am so sorry, i wish you could see  yourself  the way i see you, and hear urself  the way i hear u. Everyday i fight feelings of annoyance with you just because you ARE such a good person. I do not want to keep feeling like a bad guy here though, i can't help the way i feel, and i can't force myself to feel more than i do either, i know because i've tried =/


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