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I was a cocky( in terms of interpersonal relationshipz) naive, self righteous, and spoiled. In terms of guyz ( the ones i fell for) i was clingy, jealous, possesive, and non trusting...in terms of self..i was non decisive, non assertive...and a plain ol push over. My life used to be full of pain, but i finally said NO MORE. Thre differenc between now and then is that i finally have help.....

YYYaaayyyy for meee...Oct. 10, 2005

I am feeling really good this morning! I woke up, talked to God first =) Read my Purpose driven Life, wrote  in my journal, went for a thirty minute run/walk, came home ate breakfast, did some stretching, got my legs to go straight up in the air, and trust me..that's a real accomplishment for me lol and now following up on job leads.  The position i'm interested in is only per diem, but the lady said they use the per diem workers pretty frequently. So i am excited, the only thing is i have to apply online, but my comp is janky or the website is jus no good. After all my phone calls i have to go and actually fill out the applications, i'm not looking forward to leaving the comforts of home everyday, but....it's gonna feel good to have some $$ in my pockets again . My life is slowly being put back on track, and it feels good, because i'm taking control. I've wallowed for nearly a year now, since November...and really bad since March.....but now here it is Oct, and i'm finally coming back to life.

My aunt gave me a wonderful compliment, along with my grandmother," you losing some more weight aren't u?" OH YES , INDEED! I smiled from ear to ear, i am not doing this for anyone but myself, but it sure feels good to see that my hard work is paying off. Because if they can see a difference in my body then that means that it is really happening, YYYYYESSSSS!

On a different note,...things almost got hectic on the guy end. It's hard for me to put myself and my feelings before other's, but sometimes, i realize that i have to. I did at first give in to wha the person needed and wanted, but when the it was brought up, i stuck to my guns, i stood strong in what I NEED and what I WANT at this time, and finally was able to make a decision and stand by it. THAT IS SUCH A BIG DEAL FOR ME =p Especially considering who the person is i stood my ground with.
Anyway, back to work, i have money to earn...
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