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| I was a cocky( in terms of interpersonal relationshipz) naive, self righteous, and spoiled. In terms of guyz ( the ones i fell for) i was clingy, jealous, possesive, and non trusting...in terms of self..i was non decisive, non assertive...and a plain ol push over. My life used to be full of pain, but i finally said NO MORE. Thre differenc between now and then is that i finally have help..... |
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I'm not going to go too much into detail , but i had to come here and give my testimony ( again) because, it makes me want to drop to my knees just thinking about it. My storm... I listen to people complain about how God has let them go through horrible things, and why has he forsaken them, and i just shake my head. Sometimes, he will test us, i am living proff of it. But before me there was Job, and just like someone blessed me with this info, i have to pass it on to others. Anyway, last year around this time, i was going through major medical problems, facing the worst kind of surgeries i ever imagined i would encounter. I was a healthy girl, always had been, but here i am with a brain tumor???? Anyway, my mother and father( r.i.p) would tell me to be strong and go to God for strength. I went to him sometimes, but i had a chip on my shoulders...i was upset, and afraid. I did not walk in faith.... Also during that time, i kept getting break through's...i overcame every surgery i was faced with( as seen in my previous entry) and my mother wept, said a prayer of thanksgiving, but i was too prideful to praise him in front of her...i didn't want to give her the satisfaction because she would tell me to do it, and i didn;t want to do what she asked of me. ( i had and still working on severe anger and resentment toward my mother ) I was making money, lots of it, ii closed one transaction and earned 12 thousand ( off one deal! , that's amazing) I was very generous with my money, i gave thousands away...but i neglected to give God his fair share, and robbed him of his praise as well. it was all about me and what i had accomplished..."my brother and i, we make money!" i ignorantly stated to a friend. I wasn't exactly cocky with it, but i was very very proud of myself... 2 of the biggest sins...greed..and pride and i was wallowing in both! Of course it didn't last long, within months all the money, EVERY CENT was gone, and i still to this day can't account for it. I don't have a bunch of new clothes, new shoes, accerories..what did i do with it? It didn't matter....it wasn't done in God...and so it wasn't for me to keep. I was sick after that, and wondered when i would close another. Well that was last year at this time, and i tell you i haven't closed a deal since..i mean i've had them on the table, just things kept coming up. I haven't been able to find work since, i haven't had a stream of income for a year!..But guess wha...through it all, even though i forsake him, he never forsake me!..I still have dollars in my purse to put in church, i still have food to eat rather it's from a friend helping me out to my mom buying me something . The moral of the story is, God is a keeper, and he kept me , through it all. And once i show him that i can at a place where i can handle his blessings, he will bless me again. I never asked God, 'why me? or asked him why has he forsaken me, as most do when faced with troubles. I never blamed him...i just didn't give him his praise. I have learned from my mistakes, i truly have, and i am truly blessed from going through that, i wouldn't change any of it. | ||
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