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| I was a cocky( in terms of interpersonal relationshipz) naive, self righteous, and spoiled. In terms of guyz ( the ones i fell for) i was clingy, jealous, possesive, and non trusting...in terms of self..i was non decisive, non assertive...and a plain ol push over. My life used to be full of pain, but i finally said NO MORE. Thre differenc between now and then is that i finally have help..... |
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Has
been ok , I've been finding things espcially ironic and kinda funny
lately. It just seems that someone is going through something, and
feeling the exact ay i felt. I pray for this person though, i hope they
have learned maturity and learned tgo communicate, because i really
think the lack of those two things messed something up for them
in their life. It's funny because i dun think ppl ever understand how something feels until they go through it. Does it mean i laugh at their pain?No, of course not. When it was me making the mistakes, the person stayed around,i mean, never really expressed how bad it hurting inside, "it's ok" was the common response i'd get to an apology. Of course i knew it hurt, but ppl deal with things differently, and the intent was to break the reltionship, none of the things i said i did were things i could ever , ever do while in a reltionship. So maybe, had i actually done them, it wouldn't have hurt as much, when the person turned around and did things similar. Maybe i would have felt, ok, i can kind of understand....you're just rebelling, which is the reason i got when asked why, but..then again, if u feel the need to rebel against someone u love, then maybe u shouldn't be with them, or telling them u want to be with them. I don't believe in rebelling, i believe in moving on, taking comfort in someone else maybe, but not while trying to work on something with someone, or telling them that i want to. That's why i also find it kind of funny, because, when it was over for me, it was really over. There was no "break" no time getting things straight, it was just over, and time to focus on something else. So, anything i do or did with someone, rather i just met them or known them forever really had nothing to do with the guy i had been seeing before. It was me seeing things for how they were and taking steps to move on. So for the person to still end up feeling the way i felt, is ironic to me. "ur falling in love with someone right in front of me" as an ex and someone who still had the idea tha u were working on things in urself to come back to me, i can understand. But...as i have said before something clicked for me in July when our "relationship" folded again, it just wasn't working. And how much longer am i going to wait while so many things had transpired between us during each break -up. Sometimes, it's just too late to go back, this is one of those times. I'm sorry if my new life hurts you, i just can't put it on hold for u any longer ( not tha u asked me to). I wish u could understand, but Tw was right, it doesn't matter if our ex'es ever understand because chances are, they won't. But we can't consume our life by trying to make them. | ||
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