I'm
so proud of me hehe i had been thinking bout doing it for weeks and i
finally did..i was surprised because i thought for sure it'd be the
end, but i was very wrong. Anyway, matters of the heart are so
trickey..ahh there's so much i can accept in a mate, so many flaws and
faults, the ONLY thing i like demand is to be respected by him and by
the people in his circle. For his friends, especially his female
friends to know and understand that his heart belongs soley to me and
they don't even have the chance...it may seem silly not to give someone
another chance because i doubt they can do that, but it's really
important to me. Someone doesn't know it, doesn't realize it, but once
u open the dorr saying "u are ready' everything then becomes a test.
Not purposely, but it just does. Once you tell me that u love me and
are ready to prove it by being in a commited relationship, no girl
should feel like ur still pawning away from them. Especially when that
girl had a big part in me falling outta love with u in the first place,
and especially when i and the rest of the world can see the
transactions between u and tha girl. Oh how do u think it makes me
feel? Blah....forutnately..i don't have to deal with those issues
anymore, but i did give it a serious thought, oh well...maybe one day
the right girl will come along tha u CAN show tha respect for/towards..anyway...
The question everyone directly or indirectly wants to know is what's so
good about Tee? Well, it's weird and somewhat complicated. But the main
thing is that we have a lot of chemistry and our realtionship values
are so similar, i see so much of myself in him, yet at the same time
I'm still able to learn from him. Both those things combined...when
we did start talking we both felt completely respected and
appreciated. We filled a void in each other's heart's and lives...and
spoiled each other rotten. That is the answer folks..pure and
simple.I'd been broken up with the love of my life for 9 mos when T and
i started "talking" i had more time to adjust to the idea of being
broken up. Tee had only been broken up for 2 mos from a 3 yr
relationship( and it was their first real fight) so as things
progressed with Tee and I, we realized it wasn't the right time for us
to date, even though we'd grew to have such feelings for one another.
It was a mutual decision, but i was the one who announced it. Anyway,
we decided to jus stay friends with benefits, even though i kept trying
to get him to go back to his girlfriend and work it out. Friends with
benefits with someone ur falling in love with is a bad , bad, thing,
especially when ur friend becomes torn between u and his ex. I can't
blame him though, i put myself in this situation. It's scary and
confusing, that's why i'd been trying to 'tone down" my feelings by not
calling or texting him, and aslo keeping other doors open by means of
still dating and seeing other people. The fact tha i do tha bothers
him, he won't admit it, but i can tell.
Being with him brought out my most painful insecurities. But, because i
felt he was worth it, i dealt with them, in fact, he doesn't even know
how strongly i feel about certain things. But being deciding to deal
with these things somehow drew me closer to him. Love isn't shallow, so
why would i let something like height jeapordize a chance at
happiness??I wouldn't...but i can't help feeling like a home
wrecker..even though she's really not the girl for him. My mind is at a
constant debate over this, i don't want to seem as though i don't care
at all, but i don't want to cloud his head either. I care a lot about
what he needs and what i should do in the best interest, but the truth
is, i really miss spoiling him, and him spoiling me. Or maybe i miss it
so much because i'm lonely and want to be loved? Hmm...i dunno...but i
know im not going out looking for it or jus accept anything randomn
thing, not even from him...
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