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| I was a cocky( in terms of interpersonal relationshipz) naive, self righteous, and spoiled. In terms of guyz ( the ones i fell for) i was clingy, jealous, possesive, and non trusting...in terms of self..i was non decisive, non assertive...and a plain ol push over. My life used to be full of pain, but i finally said NO MORE. Thre differenc between now and then is that i finally have help..... |
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WOW... Last night was so weird, i felt FINE, absolutely fine...then BAM i started to get a horrible feeling in the pit of my belly. I was feeling down about something tha hadn't even transpired yet..my party at work. By morning the feeling had grown worse, i was slow getting ready for work today and i was LATE! ..I've never been late before, i'm very prideful when it comes to my job..it's almost like i'm a diff person at work and home, at home im kinda lazy lol but at work im a go getter..i go out of my way to get things done, i jus dun wanna come off like i'm not a good worker, and it's not for recgonition..it just gives me peace of mind. Anyway, when i walked through the door like 6 minz late my boss was looking at me rather oddly...i was jus like hmmm, she then asks" are u alright?' I'm like yeah...all slow lol anyway i head to my room and i'm still dragging my feet..but only the feeling is worse. ( i had a dream about my party...it went horribly in the dream)So all the kids are saying hello to me, i see some bags of goodies on the table and i think" hey maybe the party will go well after all) But no...only twp parents brought things and they were btoh bags of choc candy bars...we had no drinks, no cupcakes, no nothing...so the other class let us have some of their food. My class is kinda connected to two others..and they were both going on a field trip..i felt like wtf wasn't my class asked to go? Anyway, by this time i'm feeling extremly sad and down, like at the point of tears...u woulda thought someone had jus died how sad i was, and the thing is i KNEW i would be today, but anyway as the day went ont he feeling got better, jus talking it out helped a lot. My class is so sweet and for the most part well behaved...when they act up i can get them in check rather quickly...except when a certain few are there. Being around them also helped perk me up...i'm home now and feeling better II'm on the comp now talking to a few guys, and thinking about everything i talked about today regarding guys...i'm applying wha i've learned this year....i'm beautiful, im fun, im sexy, im smart..i dun need a guy who doesn't want me...i dun need a guy who can't realize wha he had until he saw me slipping away, and i dun need a guy who jus wants to fukk me...i'm talkiing bout diff ppl in case anyone is wondering who im referring to.. Also...i feel bad for some things, but not about this, im about to tell this fine azz 6'6 ligh skin, football player with money to fukk off...cuz all he talks about is sex and tha is annoying the hell out of me lol pretty boy: lets hook this up mzlacypoo: lol no, lets not mzlacypoo: i'm not on tha tip pretty boy: oh , well what r u on then? mzlacypoo: not sex, not someone i barley know talking bout tiddy fukking me before they even get to know me pretty boy: no no nono pretty boy: i met hangingout, lol pretty boy: thats funny pretty boy: i just want to show my face thats all pretty boy: ur too funny BLAH BLAH BLAH anyway, Tw once asked me wha did all the guys i've dated have in common...the answer is..they werer all guys who i thought were nice guys, and i did everything for them...basically i made it too easy and they never were able to give me what i wanted..which is simply someone to call my own. From Kory to Tyrus i've been on one endless cycle that must stop. Life is so funny, people always say h ow they want a 'good" girl or a 'good guy..but thas to easy, there's no mystery in it...it's boring. Tw thinks that's the case with me but it's not. Anyway, i decided to go through with my date tomorrow, with my ne wlook on guys this should be interesting....anyway I'm off Journal. | ||
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