Detrimental Entanglement

The Change is Something Deeper

I found it hard to speak or to smile today. I shrugged away from contact, and didn't meet anyone eye-to-eye. It was the sort of day that I wished I could have been anywhere else in the world. Been anyone else. I desperatly wanted to talk to Emile, but I highly doubt I'll ever be able to again. All conversation was light and happy, as though nothing was wrong. What am I saying, nothing is wrong. That was probably said more for my benefit than anything else. All fears washed away into general apathy. My throat became swollen, so it was hard to swallow or eat. Not that I'd keep from throwing up anything I did take the time to ingest, so it really isn't worth it. I wanted more than anything for this to be something amazing. For something to go as planned.
All I have any desire to do now is shirk away from any obligation... Any promises. I'm suffering from a severe case of ennui... a french disease of the soul. I feel relocked inside my mental prison, going back into hiding after finally stepping out. The air was too sweet, happiness came at too high a price.
You always ask why I don't let myself be fully content, it's simply because no one deserves to be happy. Happiness should be an unending task, never faltering in difficulty. I personally don't feel up to the challenge, so I will settle with what I have. Not contentment, indifference.
I don't ever expect to feel the same. This is one of those soul-defining moments, where you realize that there is a line drawn in your life.
life before/line/life after

I would have avoided all contact with you until I absolutely had to, but it gets lonely. Lonely and scary.

Today is a Melinda day.

...here's to irreversable damage.

Pi

7:59 PM - Tuesday, June 13, 2006 - post comment

Untitled Comment
We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed, by their Creator, with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the _Pursuit of Happiness_.

The founding fathers got it right. You should too.
Anonymous - 9:13 PM - Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Untitled Comment
while i was in england?

that comment didn't make a lick of sense. something about england then lyrics from the decemberists. o.0?
andrei...ish - 9:12 PM - Sunday, June 18, 2006

Untitled Comment
how cute andrei you copied her signature like its something charming

w.w? q.q? j.j?
ish..ish - 9:18 AM - Monday, June 19, 2006

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