happiness is a journey, not a destination

Posted on Aug. 2, 2006 at 10:56 - Post Comment

I havent written anything in a while, well… only in a few days but for a girl who used to blogging every day it is pretty much ;) of course I had my own reason for this.

first I was really ill these days. Actually it was my fault, on my friend’s wedding it was pretty cold (only about +12C) but I had quite an open dress on  - so you see it is really only my fault that I caught cold…  the last few days I spent in bed, because of very high fever, I felt really weak and couldn’t do anything. The most terrible days were Friday last week and the weekend. because I was alone, my family left (they didn’t know I was that bad…) and the whole weekend I stayed in bed, couldn’t read, watch tv, nothing. I fell asleep every 2 hours but then I woke up, I also haven’t eaten anything, which is not good at all.  anyway today I feel a bit better, just really weak, but no fever and even can type ;)) still having bad dreams but I don’t wake up after having them, I guess my brain is used to them already and thinks it is a norm :)

as for emotional condition… yesterday  my friend visited me. Her first words were: “hey, girl, you look really terrible”, wow… really not polite! but she belongs to people who usually say the truth and I guess she has a right to say something like that to me. I even haven’t told her about my thoughts and feelings but she said: “all you need, lena, is to cry this out, I don’t know  what is on your mind and on your heart but I feel that it is eating you, so please cry this out”. guess what?.. I really did!! I cried a lot yesterday but it helped. it is as if I got free from all the negative energy I had and finally I can think clearly :) that’s good, isn’t it?

if someone needs time to think things over I respect their right to do so. people have their own ways of dealing with feelings. and I believe that in the end we all make our own decisions which cannot be wrong. I had almost 2 weeks now to think things over  and I came to some conclusions. do you want to know to which? well… I wont tell you ;) …may be later.

this all has become so clear to me after I got my soul free and let it do whatever it wants to. I emptied my mind, my soul, got them free of all the black thoughts and feelings and now they are ready again to be filled with new energy. I also gave my teddy bear  to Alexandra – I don’t need anyone to protect me now, since I found out that I need no protection at all – I am strong enough to take care of myself alone. it is really difficult to rely on somebody because all the people have their own things to do, their own feelings to deal with, their own ways to go.  

last days the only thought made me stay positive: “Happiness is a journey, not a destination”. and all the challenges in this life are not the obstacles on our way to happiness, they are the happiness in themselves.

well.. this is all for now :)

I hope everyone is having an amazing day