so much pain deep inside

Posted on Sep. 9, 2006 at 23:13 - Post Comment

i am trying to convince myself that everything is normal, that life is going on no matter what, no matter how, no matter why...but it seems  i am lieing to myself .. and everytime i realize it i start crying - i know it is stupid but i cant stop myself.. it is stuck so deep inside of me and i cant let it out and it hurts.. so much pain .. i really cant anymore, life is getting unbearable. it seems i am in the depression phase and cant do anything with it. at least i realize it but i am not able to change anything.. the most dreadful thing is that i even dont want to do anything about itm i dont want anything at all. i want to be left alone but everytime i am alone it is even more harder, so unbearable..

my life changed, i changed and i cant say it is better so.. i am becoming weak and i cant let myself be weak. i need to stay strong but i dont know how, i dont know if it is possible..

i feel so lost, so sad, so ... dead and even though i realize it is not right, i am not able to do anything about it.. not now... may be later... may be 

now i realize how good it is when nobody is reading the stuff you write because you even dont have to limit the access to the blog, you just write to yourself and are sure that nobody else will ever get to read this.

anyway if there is anyone who by accidence got to read this, please, have the better days than i have, ok? 

hey girl

Posted by Karen on Sep. 11, 2006 at 08:58-Link

it seems like i always say hey girl everytime i feel like you are sad,
<br>how are you doing?
<br>i guess we all go through those things, like me i just got out of my \"hibernation\", i left my friends and hidden from them and yet they were still there for me making me feel that i am not alone.
<br>Anyways, i just want to say that you are not alone,
<br>i am here as a friend, even if we meet in the most odd circumstances. :))
<br>take care of yourself ok? and do write me sometimes :P:P:P
<br>-Karen