My Blog

stressful day... Mega blog

Same deal as last time, Ms. Flood.

If you don't want to know how I got to sleep last night, then don't read the first paragraph.

You've been warned.

_________________________________________________________________

Ok. so we all know that 2 nights ago I took 5 melatonin's and 2 sleeping pills.  Well, this time I took more.  I took 7 melatonin's and 3 sleeping pills.  But I only slept for 5 1/2.  I was hoping for 7 or 8.  I guess I can't complain though, I got sleep. :)

I only took that many to try and get more sleep, not to kill myself.  Just clarifying.

However, my stomach is starting to bother me....

OK, so I'm starting to get really, really, REALLY stressed!  I mean, my parents are leaving for Cuba tonight, around 12am, and I'm just really stressed about it.  I mean, what if I can't hack it?  What if I don't even make it through friday?  Will my dad be mad at me if I call and tell him I can't come visit him?  What would I tell him? I'm broke? Or I'm crazy?

I'm pretty scared.  My mum made me promise that I would eat while she was gone.  And I will, just not a lot.  I think I am most definately going to have to go to the hospital by Monday.

She also made me promise she wouldn't come home to a smelly corpse.  And, I promised I wouldn't do that either.

Speaking of the hospital, How will I tell my Mum that I'm there?  I was considering leaving a note on the kitchen table and when she gets home, she can read it and find out where I am... Is this a good idea?

I still feel bad for bothering Ms. Flood all the time though.  I'm 18, shouldn't I be able to handle these things on my own?  I shouldn't need someone to help me.

I feel like I'm a bad person.

Should I feel like this?

Is this coping mechanism normal?

Oh yeah, speaking of that, I did it at school today.  I couldn't help it!  I had a business presentation today, and I was really worried about it!  Plus I was almost late this morning.  It wasn't my fault!!

Or maybe I'm just a failure......

K, something else that got on my nerves today:  My mum is still packing for Cuba (they leave around 1am to drive to the airport) and she is weighing everything.  I guess there is this rule that says 44lbs of luggage a person, so her and my step-dad get 88lbs.  That seems like plenty of clothes and whatever else she happens to need.  However, she was over by 23lbs!!!  How can you manage that??? I know that she is taking a ton of stuff (toys for kids, because they don't have the luxuaries that we do... nag nag nag).  She can spend like $75 on stupid things for kids in Cuba, which is really nice of her, but she made me pay bills and drop out???  She was making me pay bills until just recently, being as I quit my joba nd could no longer contribute to the household that way. 

And she gets mad at me when I ask for $25 for a club fee!!!!!  *shakes fist and grumbles obsenities in english/french*

Oh yeah, since that, I now have to do ALL the chores!! Aren't I lucky??  I get to do the dishes, sweep, vaccum, clean the windows, dust, take the garbage & recycles out, feed and clean her fish and fish tank, do laundry, and cook for them 3x a week!!! I DON'T EVEN EAT WITH THEM AND I HAVE TO COOK THEIR MEALS???  AAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

I wish I could just be like that cartoon ostrich that sticks his head in the sand.  It would make me feel sooooo much better.

Anyway, that's all for now.

post or e-mail. whatever.