i'm supposed to be really really happy. yet..here i am...crying.
today has been so moody for me.
one minute...i'd be happy..
then i'd be upset..
or mad.
or whatnot.
i was sorta sad when i got home.
meghan had done something to upset me.
she was writing on me with a pen..
and we were goofing off..
and she flipped my arm over..
and put a bunch of thin
quick lines up and down my wrist..
and said "look..now you're emo..haha..silly cutters"
ouch.
that upset me real bad.
you know why if you know my history.
i have to grow up.
i dont want to.
i do..and i dont.
but i have to.
i have to start taking responsibility.
somethings are more important.
Hold me now I need to feel relief
Like I never wanted anything
I suppose I'll let this go and find a reason I'll hold on to
I'm so ashamed of defeat
And I'm out of reason to believe in me
I'm out of trying to get by
---------------------------------
I can't face myself when I wake up
And look inside a mirror
I'm so ashamed of that thing
I suppose I'll let it go
Untill I have something more to say for me
I'm so afraid of defeat
And I'm out of reason to believe in me
I'm out of trying to defy
----------------------------------
I'm so afraid of the gift you give me
I don't belong here and I'm not well
I'm so ashamed of the lie I'm living
Right on the wrong side of it all
Hold me now I need to feel complete
Like I matter to the one I need
----------------------------------
Now I'm ashamed of this
I am so ashamed of this
Now I'm so ashamed of me
I am so ashamed of me...
that song tears me up.
because i feel that way.
the way i interpret it anyways.
or what it means to me.
I'M SO F*CKING CONFUSED!
:(
| 