i'm exhausted. the end.

just kidding. about "the end" not the exhausted part.

cause i really am exhausted.

i can feel it everywhere.

but...if i go to sleep now...grrrrrrrr...i wont be able to sleep tonight. then i'll be screwed up.

so mike told me that is ex will be at bandfest. like..he came down here..and dated this chik for like...4 weeks i think he said. i know i shouldn't let it bother me or anything. but...as i was talking to my mum about everything and goofing off..it hit me. i'm insecure. i'm insecure because the last 2 relationships which i thought were good, the guy cheated on me. so. that's why i'm insecure. i dont think mike would cheat on me. at all. like..i highly doubt it. but i guess i never know. i never thought chris or david would. i thought they cared. but..obviously they didn't. because when you cheat on someone that means you dont f*cking care about them! so yes...i'm insecure. plus..they're are girls out there who are prettier...who dress better...who have a prettier smile...a softer kiss...better everything. i just..i know i can't lose mike. cause...i really dont know what i'd do. i dont know how i'd take it..but..i know it wouldnt' be good. at all.

the sweetest two things mike has said to me are "can i keep you?" and "i dont care what your teachers are mrs rainsford says...i'm gonna marry you one day." heart=floor  i wrote about this last night..but my blog got deleted..and i got pissed. so i'm halfway rewriting it.

the insecure thing didn't pop up until today. i mean...i've been insecure..but...i've tried to get over it. i guess its not the easiest thing to get over. i mean...his other ex..that he was with for 3 years could come back and beg for him back..and...i mean...3 years...so what if he went back with her? i know he wouldnt'..well..i dont know that..but...i dont think he would. that's just..how i am i guess. insecure. really really insecure.

i should stop though for real. mike loves me. i love mike. we're two happy people in love. so..what do i have to worry about? right? right. i'm just stressing. yes. that's my excuse. stress.

i'm gonna go. i'm gonna eat food. and maybe blog some of this on myspace. oh..but maybe not. who knows?

i'm out.