so. i went to sleep after my last blog.

took a nap.

mike called around 6 and woke me up.

i was like..aw..but at the same time i was like..gr.

he told me he loved me and to go back to sleep.

he had no clue something was wrong.

he called again at 7.

told me to go outside and stand on the porch.

went outside..he pulled up.

my dad said some smart as* bullsh*t to me first though.

mike said he was going to the grocery store and wanted me to

go with him.

so i went.

it was fun.

he got my mind off of things.

we went to chik fila. then we went to the grocery store and ran into a few people.

we stopped back by his house..

dropped off the food.

then got gas.

and came home.

my mum was upset because i got home later than i was supposed to.

sorry grocery shopping took time.

geez.

she also asked me how i could do something so stupid.

you know..the cutting thing.

i dont know about her..but its not stupid.

its a sign of distress...not insanity..not madness.

i should be f*cking congratulated at finding a way to cope in life.

no.

that's the wrong attitude.

i just wish she'd at least try and understand.

she pulled this crap about having it harder than me and she never did it.

well..me and her are different.

some people smoke.

some people drink.

some people throw things.

some people scream.

some people do drugs.

i would cut.

"When we cut, we're in control - we make our own pain, ans we can stop it whenever we want. Physical pain relieves mental anguish. For a brief moment, the pain of the cutting is the only thing in the cutter's mind, and when that stops and the other comes back, it's weaker. Drugs do that that too, and sex, but not like cutting. Nothing is like cutting"

"The only antidote to mental suffering is physical pain."

"It doesn't matter if you have all the people in the world to talk to, you still have to find the strength to say in words, what you would normally say on your skin."

^^^thats what my mum needs to understand. i had people to talk to...but..it was easier to say what i felt on my skin. maybe i didn't have words. just expressions. and that's how i expressed my anger.

People dislike alcoholics, but they still drink at parties. People sit in non-smoking sections in restaurants, but still enjoy the occasional nicotine jolt. People have strong feelings against self-injurers, but they also take all their emotions out on other people

i love that quote.

i like all the ones i've put on here

anyways...benadryl is kicking in.

i'm out.