so. i went and saw when a stranger calls. and it scared me. but that's not the point of this blog. the point of this blog is mike. i love mike. so much. and i'm not scared anymore. i want him to be the one i spend the rest of my life with. and i've never felt that with anyone else. and i can honestly say that. i made a comment today while we were at chik fila about how i wanted my kid to be a geek. star wars, video games..the works. and mike said "if you stick with me he'll be an ultra geek"...it didn't scare me. i laughed. and i'm not scared....at all. i want to be with him forever. i love him. i just hope that i'm not being fooled by my feelings. i hope these feelings are all real. and i hope that they dont go away like they have before. i dont want to lose what i have with mike. and i dont want mike to lose the feeling with me. that would be terrible.

mike has done so much for me. i haven't cut in weeks. i dont want to cut. small urges are there...but just because it was a bad addiction. i was depressed when i met him. even though i was supposed to be happy with david. i thought i was happy with david. but i still got depressed when i was with him. i dont get depressed with mike. i haven't gotten depressed. i've noticed that when i write in my notebook...its not sad. because i can't write sad stuff. because i'm not sad. he's cured me of depression and cutting. he's exactly what i needed. he's the love of my life. what i needed..what i wanted. i didn't want david. i guess i just thought i did. but...i know with mike. things are different with mike. i'm so comfortable with him. more comfortable with him than i ever would've been with david.

i just thought i'd let everyone know all of this.

i'm going to sleep now. cause i'm tired.