ok. so i know i just blogged..but i'm blogging again. because i just went through all of my old blogs.

and wow at the change. its crazy..ok..where do i begin.

with the david thing. it was obvious i didn't love him. even though i said i did. i always had doubts. and you can see those doubts if you read back. we were also arguing a lot. or he was mad at me a lot.

me. i was deranged. messed up. i wanted to die. all the time. i hated myself.

"i hate me. i f*cking hate myself. i should just kill myself now. just get it over with. f*ck. f*ck. i f*cking hate me. i would deserve to die."

that was a line from an old entry. i mean. wow. i guess though...when good..great..things or people come into your life...you realize how much better it is alive.

cause..had i died...i would not have met mike. i would've thought "hey...my life isn't going anywhere. nothing good is happening. i should just die" but...i'm glad i waited it out. because...something..someone..great came into my life. i'm so glad i'm alive.

just...the old entries...are the old me. pay no attention to them.

i love mike.

i love life.

no worries.