how morbid of me it was to think of what i dare thought this afternoon.

i was riding in the car with haley...and i was thinking...
"man...i wish we'd crash"....

what is tha? why would i dare even think such a thought?

i tried to think of what could've have influenced me to think it..

but...i came up with nothing.

except maybe to see who really cared.

pity. maybe.

but how wrong and selfish is that?

and if i did get into the wreck ...i probably would've sat there.

sat there and prayed on why.

even though i had asked for it

afterwards i know i wouldn't want it.

it could destroy my life.

it could kill me.

leave me scarred forever.

i dont know.

it scared me though.

i hope a thought such as that never enters my head again.

i'm sorry for it.

truly.

ciao.